Hooray for C25K!

Weight: 320.6
Total Weight loss: 29.4

I'm very pleased with myself, I must say. I did exactly what I said I was going to, and did my run this morning, waking up a half hour earlier than usual to do so. It went splendidly! It wasn't too difficult to get myself out of bed and ready to go, and there was no back-and-forth with myself about whether I was going to do it. It was just a given, a hard fact. And you know what? I had my best run ever so far, stats-wise, feeling-wise, everything. I feel confident about moving on to Week 3, no problem.

[By the way: I still have not purchased an iPod, which is kind of lame of me. But, I had some good music going on in my head (Curtis Mayfield's epic "Move On Up" is an amazing motivator AND has a fantastic groove, by the way) and I know I count my seconds accurately. Soon, though, I will be at the point where I will want to have the podcasts to keep track of my times -- I do not want to be counting out 300 seconds for the five minute run segments I'll be running shortly, for instance.]

I can't get over it. What is the deal with having few second thoughts about buying stupid doll crap, yet I just can't bring myself to buy something that will be beneficial for my body directly? Ugh, man, I don't know. I probably need to be rid of the doll biz all together. It's too easy to buy for them and not myself, for whatever stupid reason.

Anyway. I still have not broken into the 'teens, and it's really annoying me. I thought for sure today would be it; after all, I did a half hour's worth of yard work last night, and my run this morning, and I have been doing well with my eating. It's frustrating, sure, and if I can complain about it once, I am happy and then move on, and keep doing what I am doing. Can you tell I talk myself through my own thoughts a lot? I do.

Turns out that it's like a form of self-coaching. I just started reading a book about this type of coaching for creatives (like, because I still am not making art regularly even though I have a solo show coming up in eight months...), and that's what you do. You sit there and have a talk with your "coach", who is also you but not you. Your coach knows what needs to be done to break through a wall, a plateau, whatever. Interesting stuff. I only got into it last night, but I'll comment more on that in the next few days. I'm totally into self-help, why not? I seem to need it on so many levels.

***

I think another frustration I have lately is that I don't think I really look any different yet. And when I tell people that I have lost 30 pounds, they act surprised, like my boss did today, or just say, "That's great," without commenting about seeing the change, or whatever. I suppose it is fairly vain of me to expect that people look at me enough to notice, but I need to accept the reality that a) they probably don't and b) 30 pounds off a 350-pound gal is the proverbial drop in the bucket and thus truly not very noticeable (except to her mom).

I mean, whatever, right? I'm not doing it to get kudos from anyone. I do like getting kudos, though. Forget it, though, forget I am even complaining about this right now. I remain proud of what I have achieved so far, and I'm doing it to feel better physically and to gain some confidence (the running is REALLY helping with that). Oh yeah, of course I do want to be super-hot again eventually too, but that reason really does fall at the bottom of the list, all things told.

***

Heck, this morning I was so energized I even chopped foodstuffs for dinner prep tonight, so when I get home we can just start cooking -- throw everything in the wok ready to go. We're having our fairly decadent peanut butter chicken stir-fry tonight, but don't worry, I've allocated the cals for it. It's totally planned and accounted for, which is nice and totally awesome on my part. *pat on the back*

What are you proud of today?

Lub,

r.