Doing OK

Weight: 308
Total Weight loss: 42 pounds

Well, it's a step in the right direction, but I am still a little, like, ugh.

I had a good day overall yesterday, though I did go over allotment by about 150 calories, nothing to be upset over. Dinner consisted of pan-fried tilapia, roasted brussels sprouts with sweet potatoes, and a nice salad. I gave C. some candy for Halloween, but only had a handful of Whoppers -- that's where the excess cals came from. I got home a little later than usual and so we ate a little later, which meant that it was easy to not worry about snacking.

It's funny, we've got candy galore, but I'm not worried about it at all.

I did some more thinking about the bulk eating issue. It's also tied to the secret eating I still sometimes do. When I'm eating in secret or just on my own, maybe part of it is the potential for getting caught, or knowing that I only have a certain amount of time? So during that time I would try to eat as much as I can. It's such a weird thing and probably very difficult to understand unless you've experienced it. I'm trying to figure out what my triggers are, because many times I can eat like a "normal" person and feel really good about it -- in fact, it had become normal for me there for a while, and I didn't really have to think about it much, if at all. I guess if I knew what enabled me to enter that mental state, my problems would be over. Maybe someday it will become clear.

In the meantime, I just have to keep on keeping on, learning from mistakes, accepting my flaws, celebrating my successes, and most important: loving myself in the NOW and not just waiting until I am thinner and more "worthy". That's a mistake I think a lot of people make -- they can't love themselves as they are. It's taken me years to feel that way, but I can say now that I honestly do love myself no matter what.

What good have I done in the past few days?

• Been more mindful of my food choices
• Drank 80 oz. of water each day
• Exercised consistently
• Got back to more whole foods in my diet
• Learned something from each misstep
• Started blogging regularly again!

It may not show on the scale, but overall I'd say I've had a good week. I'm proud of what I have been able to do.