Tired, but thoughtful

No weigh-in today: scale seems to be malfunctioning, alas!

I took a break from exercise this morning. Even though I had gone to bed at a reasonable hour last night, I had so much trouble waking up -- I just felt totally exhausted., and ended up staying bed until after 8am! Usually I am out the door to work by then. It's probably because it's TOM week; in fact I have no doubt that's what my problem is. Besides, it's good to let your body rest once in a while, so I'm going to be forgiving of myself. I did treat myself to a short walk to the PO boxes down the road from my office this afternoon, though. It's a cool, sunny, beautiful day, so while short, it was a refreshing, restorative activity.

I did eat nice and "clean" yesterday, and so far today. It feels really good.

It's funny how some people call it "eating clean". Of course it sounds like a recovering alcoholic or drug user, but it's really not such a stretch, as we all know. What I have always thought is that it's harder to have food problems because you have to eat, you can't just give it up cold turkey, or avoid it completely. But I was thinking earlier, it is better in the sense that if you have a day of missing the mark, it's not all that difficult to get back into your healthy routine. It wouldn't necessarily require a trip to rehab again, or whatever. I feel fortunate that is the case. Too often I have felt a slave to food, totally out of control and unable to regulate its intake, or plain just impossible to have a normal relationship with it.

Thankfully, those days are getting fewer and farther between. One of my biggest goals in this has been to just normalize my feelings about food, and to stop using food as a source of comfort, or as a reward or anything else. I have stopped demonizing certain foods as well as my behavior associated with food, i.e. I don't beat myself up anymore if I make a less healthy choice.

It's going to be a long journey, which I totally, completely, undeniably accept now. It takes time to fix what has long been broken, but I assure myself it can be done, with perserverence, desire, and hard work -- oh, and a little fun mixed in there, too. Rather than only changing my appearance, I am changing my whole being. I think that is the key. Superficial changes are destined to be fleeting, but the deeper you dig, the more complete the transformation will be. Mind, body, spirit.

This day of rest is in honor and appreciation of all these wonderful changes.

Thanks to all of you who are there to share them with me.