HYC Check-In: I am still fat

Weight: 300
Total Weight loss: 50 pounds

Ha ha. Well, I have lost 50 pounds but I am still fat. I have to remind myself of this fact sometimes. You can imagine how chuffed I am about getting through the first quarter of my journey and feeling a little cocky. But still, here I am in my size 24 pants and my double chin, still a fat girl.

It's OK. I don't mean this in a disparaging way. I guess I am trying to remind myself not to rest on my laurels and that I still have a lot of work to do. It would be easy to kind of sit back and take it easy for a while, or tell myself that I don't need to do this anymore because of how great I feel. But that couldn't be further from the truth. I'll probably be at this my whole life, which is fine. I'm totally adjusted to this lifestyle and shudder at the idea of going back to how things were. Back then, every day was full of fattening, atery-clogging treats. Sure, it's fun to stuff your face indiscriminately, but really? Honestly, I like it much better nowadays, when I still indulge, but just not every single day for every single meal. "Treats" have become much more enjoyable and tasty. They are also way more resistable, unless I am dealing with hardcore female issues. I made brownies the other night at C.'s request... and they looked really good, and I could have had one (or more!), but... eh... I cut myself up some kiwi along with some blackberries instead. And I did it most sincerely.

Last night I found a bunch of size 22 pairs of pants that I had saved from my last weight loss. They're not far from wearable, definitely by September if not sooner. I am excited about that -- they are very cute pants -- but at the same time, I am so ready to blow right past them, too. I'm all like, "Oh, 22s? Yeah, I got to them last time... give me some 20s, give me some 18s!" I do have a few smaller sizes tucked away, ready to see the light of day after so many years... like that poor Gap skirt I bought on super clearance years and years ago, size 16 that I was sure I would fit into again one day. I could never find it in myself to give it up for some reason, and I'm glad I didn't, because I am going to wear it for the first time next year, mark my words. The thing's still got its tags on, for chrissakes! "Wear me, already!"

This morning I felt kind of crappy (it's still that time of month) and really was having second thoughts about going on my run. I took my time in the bathroom, weighing the pros and cons, until I finally got off the pot (figuratively and literally), got my gear on, and headed out, once again promising myself the option to only do a mile if it felt bad. A 1.75 miler was on the schedule, and I really didn't think I could handle it.

But handle it I did! I also let myself take it slow and easy today, so it was totally manageable. I had no problem getting through the run at all, and I even jogged in place through a conservation with a big guy who was driving around in his pick-up garbage picking (it was garbage day today). He passed by me a couple times, and the third time, he stopped and said that I should lose some weight for him, too. He couldn't believe that I weighed as much as I do, and seemed pretty impressed by my loss so far. That was kind of neat and really kept me motivated to complete the run. I am so glad I did.

My goals for this week are pretty much the same as ever: to successfully complete my training for the week, and to keep the numbers below 300. At this point I don't even care so much about losing a lot; I just want to keep it in the 200s, even if it's 299 all week.

Hope everyone's doing well -- here's to another successful week!