After a three-day break after my momentus 5K run on Friday, I was back on the road this morning. It was hard the whole time, like my body was made of lead. But, I managed to slog through just over 2 miles in about 38 minutes, so I wasn't too disappointed. I am sore! I wonder if biting off that extra little bit of distance was too much, too soon yet?
Well, if it is then darn it all, because I've decided to go ahead and run in my first 5K race tomorrow as I planned months ago -- the Run in the Mist 5K that goes around Goat Island at Niagara Falls in two loops. Should be fun! I wasn't sure if I was going to go ahead with it, but I emailed the contact person for the race asking if it would be a problem if it takes me an hour to finish. She said, no problem, that it was the first time they are mounting the race and that there would be plenty of walkers. That sealed the deal -- I'm in, and I plan to run the whole thing! It'll be interesting to see how I will do running in the evening as opposed to my regular morning run.
As far as my weight goes, I am still hovering at and just above my lowest, with which I am totally fine. It's funny, I think my body might be going through an adjustment period right now -- as I was taking a bath this morning, I looked down at my belly and it seemed really different somehow, like the shape of it is changing. Really interesting. My experiment in less/no food tracking has seemed to work out OK so far, though it still feels odd, like I am cheating the process somehow. This is all becoming easier and easier as time goes on. My lovely family showered me with compliments on Sunday about how much slimmer I am looking -- that's always nice. This morning a co-worker commented on my cute jeans, but that I am swimming in them (these were the ones I bought at Target a few months ago that wouldn't fit at first!). I am learning to accept that this is a slow, ongoing process. Still. But it's really starting to stick in my craw, I can tell!
My latest realization is how my weight loss happens. I see a cycle occurring within a five pound range. I'll sort of go between that range for a week or two (or three), seeing a good dip here and there but then evening out, and then finally going down to the next step, and so on. Again, really interesting to me, and I'd never have been aware of that without weighing in daily. It goes so far in educating you about how your body operates. I very much appreciate that knowledge...
ETA: Oh! And I almost forgot to mention the fabulous dinner C. and I cooked last night. We do love our stir-frys, and last night we tried a ginger chicken and green beans version. We'd made it before, but it had been a while, and we don't really use a recipe... you just never know how it's going to turn out. Well, let me just say that it was incredible! And easy! And super-healthy! The sauce was made up of chicken broth, soy sauce, corn starch, rice vinegar, sliced ginger and canned ginger juice. We marinated the chicken slices in soy sauce, corn starch, and brown sugar. I simply rinsed fresh green beans, and snapped off the stem ends, and threw 'em in the wok along with some garlic, red pepper flakes, and more ginger -- and we use peanut oil to stir-fry with. The beans come out of the wok once they are bright green and tender-crisp, and in goes the chicken to do its thing, with a little of the sauce. Finally, the beans come back into the mix, we throw the sauce in, a bit more corn starch to thicken, and voila! Almost better than Chinese take-out!
I love when we come up with killer meals that are also good for us. Plus, it's fun to cook together!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
My first 5K!
Wow, I'm totally proud of myself. On my run this morning, I ended up deciding to try for 5K. I didn't have a particular route planned ahead, but I knew that at my normal pace it'd take me just under an hour to cover that distance -- so I went for it. I ended up covering 3.2 miles in exactly an hour. It blows my mind that just three months ago I could barely run for 60 seconds, and now I can run ten times that!
I don't know whether to be more proud of the distance I covered, or the amount of time I was out there on the road, running all the way! OK, I will be proud of both. It's pretty awesome, even if I am super slow. :) I know a lot of people would balk at running for an hour straight, you know?
I also had a good weigh-in, my lowest weight so far at 307.2.
Hopefully today I will feel a little better about everything. I was pretty sad when I went to bed. My stepdad isn't doing too well, and I can't stop thinking about him and worrying about the pain he's in, etc. plus all the other stupid crap I worry about in my life, as usual.
I'm really glad it's Friday, I will tell you that much. I'm going to a birthday party on Sunday that's in my honor, along with my two younger cousins -- we're all June babies. I also have a lot of catching up to do on lawn and garden activities, since it's been raining here almost every day. It's supposed storm all weekend, too, but we'll see, hopefully I can at least mow the lawn quick. It is well on its way to jungle status at this point!
One. Day. At. A. Time. It's the only thought that gets me through lately.
I don't know whether to be more proud of the distance I covered, or the amount of time I was out there on the road, running all the way! OK, I will be proud of both. It's pretty awesome, even if I am super slow. :) I know a lot of people would balk at running for an hour straight, you know?
I also had a good weigh-in, my lowest weight so far at 307.2.
Hopefully today I will feel a little better about everything. I was pretty sad when I went to bed. My stepdad isn't doing too well, and I can't stop thinking about him and worrying about the pain he's in, etc. plus all the other stupid crap I worry about in my life, as usual.
I'm really glad it's Friday, I will tell you that much. I'm going to a birthday party on Sunday that's in my honor, along with my two younger cousins -- we're all June babies. I also have a lot of catching up to do on lawn and garden activities, since it's been raining here almost every day. It's supposed storm all weekend, too, but we'll see, hopefully I can at least mow the lawn quick. It is well on its way to jungle status at this point!
One. Day. At. A. Time. It's the only thought that gets me through lately.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
PMS Strikes Again!
I should know better. I've been feeling a little bit down about my efforts lately, feeling like I am getting nowhere with any of this, and today I finally pulled my head out of my a$$ and realized that it's PMS time again! That almost always brings overall feelings of malaise and personal failure in ALL aspects of my life -- relationship, finances, work, art, and you guessed it! My health and fitness.
Just wait. In a few days this will pass over and I will be back to my usual optimistic, gung-ho self who is able to see quite clearly all the positive things I am doing for myself and the subsequent results. I just have to ride through this, wait it out, try to be as kind to myself as I can in the meantime. Which is why I took down the photo I posted yesterday. It didn't portray a positive image at all. Not just because I am fat (duh!), but because I was caught with a weird, unhappy-looking expression on my face, and I was kind of slumped, and... as was commented upon, I don't need to punish myself. I don't need to put myself up for inspection and criticism in that way. (Though I may want to reconsider my posture!)
I did have a small NSV this morning -- more pants! Two pairs of capris that I haven't been able to wear in about four years, and even then they were on the tight side. Today, I was able to zip and button each with no problem, though I think I will probably hold off on wearing them for another ten pounds or so, when they will be more comfortable and fit better. Both are size 24 from Lane Bryant stores; as I have mentioned in the past I can already fit well into Old Navy 24s, so I guess 22s in that brand must not be too far away at this point.
It looks like I will probably not see 305 until next week or even the week after that, which is fine. I seem to be holding at right around 308-309 for now, I get the sense that my body is making an adjustment. And hey, I never did celebrate the fact that I am now below 310, which was the weight at which I started losing in my last big effort seven years ago! In the next 30 pounds I will really start to see a big difference in my face, which I am really excited about. I don't want to hate on myself, but dude? I really don't like my double chin, and how I become such a moon face when I am heavy.
To make up for that, here are some things I do like about my appearance right now:
• Lovely long hair (needs a shaping or a trim, but I still love it)
• Smile
• Strong legs!
OK, so that's only three things -- I was hoping for more -- but it is better than nothing. This is something I will work on. How about you? What's your list look like today?
Just wait. In a few days this will pass over and I will be back to my usual optimistic, gung-ho self who is able to see quite clearly all the positive things I am doing for myself and the subsequent results. I just have to ride through this, wait it out, try to be as kind to myself as I can in the meantime. Which is why I took down the photo I posted yesterday. It didn't portray a positive image at all. Not just because I am fat (duh!), but because I was caught with a weird, unhappy-looking expression on my face, and I was kind of slumped, and... as was commented upon, I don't need to punish myself. I don't need to put myself up for inspection and criticism in that way. (Though I may want to reconsider my posture!)
I did have a small NSV this morning -- more pants! Two pairs of capris that I haven't been able to wear in about four years, and even then they were on the tight side. Today, I was able to zip and button each with no problem, though I think I will probably hold off on wearing them for another ten pounds or so, when they will be more comfortable and fit better. Both are size 24 from Lane Bryant stores; as I have mentioned in the past I can already fit well into Old Navy 24s, so I guess 22s in that brand must not be too far away at this point.
It looks like I will probably not see 305 until next week or even the week after that, which is fine. I seem to be holding at right around 308-309 for now, I get the sense that my body is making an adjustment. And hey, I never did celebrate the fact that I am now below 310, which was the weight at which I started losing in my last big effort seven years ago! In the next 30 pounds I will really start to see a big difference in my face, which I am really excited about. I don't want to hate on myself, but dude? I really don't like my double chin, and how I become such a moon face when I am heavy.
To make up for that, here are some things I do like about my appearance right now:
• Lovely long hair (needs a shaping or a trim, but I still love it)
• Smile
• Strong legs!
OK, so that's only three things -- I was hoping for more -- but it is better than nothing. This is something I will work on. How about you? What's your list look like today?
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Ups and Downs, Lows and Highs
Weight: 308.4
Total Weight loss: 41.6
OK, OK, there's my weight! I know I said yesterday that I would stop posting it every day, but I was pretty happy to see it still under 310. Especially after the rude awakening I had yesterday evening.
I had a really great time in NYC, as you might recall. I was there for some art-related stuff with a bunch of other artists. One of the artists took photos throughout the weekend, and sent everyone a link to his Flickr account to see them. Well, they were great! I didn't take many photos at all myself so it was nice to see all those faces and places again. He took a lot of snapshot-style photos, unposed slice-of-life kinds of shots, which I love. And there I was, in a few of them. I was shocked at what I saw.
I know it is no big news -- everyone knows I am really fat. I still weigh over 300 pounds, and just because I lost 40 pounds doesn't mean that I have become thin somehow. Intellectually, of course, I know this, too. But it is amazing the disparity between the image I have of myself in my head vs. the reality of my girth. It's crazy -- just the total opposite of how I imagined myself as a teenager (thinking I was a huge whale, when in reality I was quite slender). I mean, I guess my delusion now is a more healthy one, and maybe once I really am thin again my mind's image will match. It was just such a shock. I am still BIG.
It's OK and everything. I mean, I know I've come so far and that I am still making progress. I also can't deny that seeing the photos was like a kick in the stomach, there for a while. The thought almost crossed my mind that I've done all I have for nothing, even though I know this is not true. I was also like "Well, no wonder no one at work notices," and "My family was totally just being nice when they say they see a difference every time they see me," (See? Damned if you do, damned if you don't).
I guess there is really no point to this post except to record these feelings. It's not going to change anything as far as what I am doing, except maybe to keep me going even stronger and harder. I guess in a way it is good for me at this point to truly understand that I have so far to go, that six months in is no reason to slack off or give up. Now is the time to instead up the ante.
(EDIT 6/19: I took out the photo I had posted. It just seemed too... something... not helpful?)
Total Weight loss: 41.6
OK, OK, there's my weight! I know I said yesterday that I would stop posting it every day, but I was pretty happy to see it still under 310. Especially after the rude awakening I had yesterday evening.
I had a really great time in NYC, as you might recall. I was there for some art-related stuff with a bunch of other artists. One of the artists took photos throughout the weekend, and sent everyone a link to his Flickr account to see them. Well, they were great! I didn't take many photos at all myself so it was nice to see all those faces and places again. He took a lot of snapshot-style photos, unposed slice-of-life kinds of shots, which I love. And there I was, in a few of them. I was shocked at what I saw.
I know it is no big news -- everyone knows I am really fat. I still weigh over 300 pounds, and just because I lost 40 pounds doesn't mean that I have become thin somehow. Intellectually, of course, I know this, too. But it is amazing the disparity between the image I have of myself in my head vs. the reality of my girth. It's crazy -- just the total opposite of how I imagined myself as a teenager (thinking I was a huge whale, when in reality I was quite slender). I mean, I guess my delusion now is a more healthy one, and maybe once I really am thin again my mind's image will match. It was just such a shock. I am still BIG.
It's OK and everything. I mean, I know I've come so far and that I am still making progress. I also can't deny that seeing the photos was like a kick in the stomach, there for a while. The thought almost crossed my mind that I've done all I have for nothing, even though I know this is not true. I was also like "Well, no wonder no one at work notices," and "My family was totally just being nice when they say they see a difference every time they see me," (See? Damned if you do, damned if you don't).
I guess there is really no point to this post except to record these feelings. It's not going to change anything as far as what I am doing, except maybe to keep me going even stronger and harder. I guess in a way it is good for me at this point to truly understand that I have so far to go, that six months in is no reason to slack off or give up. Now is the time to instead up the ante.
(EDIT 6/19: I took out the photo I had posted. It just seemed too... something... not helpful?)
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
HYC Check-in
Weight: 309.4
Total Weight loss: 40.6
Heading into Tuesday, this week still feels good. I'd really love to see 305 by the end of the week, but I don't know if that is reasonable. Probably not, but I'll shoot for it anyway, even if it's just for a "blip" like 307 was initially. I am up a little today, but this is the "noise" we talk about over at Physics Diet. I don't worry about small fluctuations. In fact, I'm sort of wondering if I should just skip my daily explanations about what my weigh-in means to me each day; I find it a bit tedious, and since I log my weight every day elsewhere, should I bother doing it here? It's not that interesting. Maybe from now I on I will give a weight report on a weekly basis and talk about any strange or remarkable fluxes then.
So things have been changing slightly since I was on vacation, and since my scale ran out of juice. I realized that I can indeed gauge proper eating without logging my food intake every day, like I had been, and still lose weight successfully and still make healthier choices. It's becoming more natural now, totally done out of habit and desire. I suppose I can try it more loose for a while, and if I start seeing things head in the wrong direction, I can always go back to tracking my food. Then again, maybe I should continue at least until the end of the year and make the most of my Daily Plate gold membership... hm. Things to consider. But, I must say that I like much more not having to obsess so much about what goes in my mouth. As long as I can keep myself honest, I'll see how it goes. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this!
I'm heading into my 24th week of healthy habits, a couple weeks shy of six months! In that time, I've lost over 40 pounds, about 22 inches all over my body, and borderline diabetes worries. I've gained a fresh perspective, more energy and strength, and just a plain awesome overall attitude adjustment.
Total Weight loss: 40.6
Heading into Tuesday, this week still feels good. I'd really love to see 305 by the end of the week, but I don't know if that is reasonable. Probably not, but I'll shoot for it anyway, even if it's just for a "blip" like 307 was initially. I am up a little today, but this is the "noise" we talk about over at Physics Diet. I don't worry about small fluctuations. In fact, I'm sort of wondering if I should just skip my daily explanations about what my weigh-in means to me each day; I find it a bit tedious, and since I log my weight every day elsewhere, should I bother doing it here? It's not that interesting. Maybe from now I on I will give a weight report on a weekly basis and talk about any strange or remarkable fluxes then.
So things have been changing slightly since I was on vacation, and since my scale ran out of juice. I realized that I can indeed gauge proper eating without logging my food intake every day, like I had been, and still lose weight successfully and still make healthier choices. It's becoming more natural now, totally done out of habit and desire. I suppose I can try it more loose for a while, and if I start seeing things head in the wrong direction, I can always go back to tracking my food. Then again, maybe I should continue at least until the end of the year and make the most of my Daily Plate gold membership... hm. Things to consider. But, I must say that I like much more not having to obsess so much about what goes in my mouth. As long as I can keep myself honest, I'll see how it goes. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this!
I'm heading into my 24th week of healthy habits, a couple weeks shy of six months! In that time, I've lost over 40 pounds, about 22 inches all over my body, and borderline diabetes worries. I've gained a fresh perspective, more energy and strength, and just a plain awesome overall attitude adjustment.
Monday, June 16, 2008
What a difference a week makes!
Weight: 307.8
Total Weight loss: 42.2
Well! I am back down to where I was one week ago (plus two ounces, but whatever). Just what I thought would happen. It feels good!
This morning I went on my first run in nearly two weeks. I missed it! I also got to try out my new pair of beautiful sneakers, the New Balance 768 Stability. It seems to get mixed reviews online, but when I was getting fitted at the running store, they were the shoes that were the most comfortable to me (I tried on three pairs total, these were the last ones I tried), and the run went just fine. Granted, I was a little slower and didn't go as far as where I had been before my break, but I did manage just over a mile and a half in just over 30 minutes, which was fine by me. I'm sure I will be back up to where I left off in no time.
Overall I am feeling much better. My cold pretty much disappeared Friday evening, and Saturday was spent running errands and cleaning out the basement space I'm going to use as my art studio -- it was quite a job! Yesterday was more of the same, plus transplanting our tomatoes and other plants into larger containers, also a heart-rate increasing activity (yes, really! They were BIG containers that I wrangled all by myself!), plus miscellaneous garden and lawn stuff, as usual.
So today I feel all fresh and renewed in my efforts, and totally back to normal, which is sometimes a really nice thing. Here's to Mondays!
Total Weight loss: 42.2
Well! I am back down to where I was one week ago (plus two ounces, but whatever). Just what I thought would happen. It feels good!
This morning I went on my first run in nearly two weeks. I missed it! I also got to try out my new pair of beautiful sneakers, the New Balance 768 Stability. It seems to get mixed reviews online, but when I was getting fitted at the running store, they were the shoes that were the most comfortable to me (I tried on three pairs total, these were the last ones I tried), and the run went just fine. Granted, I was a little slower and didn't go as far as where I had been before my break, but I did manage just over a mile and a half in just over 30 minutes, which was fine by me. I'm sure I will be back up to where I left off in no time.
Overall I am feeling much better. My cold pretty much disappeared Friday evening, and Saturday was spent running errands and cleaning out the basement space I'm going to use as my art studio -- it was quite a job! Yesterday was more of the same, plus transplanting our tomatoes and other plants into larger containers, also a heart-rate increasing activity (yes, really! They were BIG containers that I wrangled all by myself!), plus miscellaneous garden and lawn stuff, as usual.
So today I feel all fresh and renewed in my efforts, and totally back to normal, which is sometimes a really nice thing. Here's to Mondays!
Friday, June 13, 2008
I've been tagged!
The lovely and awesome Michelle has tagged me for some survey questions, which I am happy to answer.!
The Rules:
Tagging is easy. Just copy the following onto your post. The rules of the game are posted at the start of your blog post. In this case, I'm asking you 5 questions about running. Each player answers the 5 questions on their own blog. At the end of your post you tag 5 other people and post their names. Go to their blogs and leave a comment on their blogs telling them they've been tagged and to look at your blog for details. When they've answered the questions on their own blog, they come back to yours to tell you. Got that? (Stolen in its entirety from Flo by way of Irene ;)
1. How would you describe your running 10 years ago?
No running at all. Maybe some bike riding and walking. Five years before that, I was going to a gym regularly and using the treadmill, among other things. Some years before that, I was on my high school's cross-country team for one season, mainly because I had some encouraging friends on the team, and I wanted to see if I could do it. I was really slow (as I am now), and always came in last at the races, but my coach was awesome and encouraged us all to do the best we could, no matter what. He wasn't one of those crazy "You have to win!" coaches. Sadly, I didn't keep it up after that.
2. What is your best/worst running experience?
My best running experience was reaching the point in the C25K program where it's just straight running, and being able to do it, period. Yes, it was painful and slow, that first 20 minute run, but it was also totally great. I have two worst experiences: one, the time I fell a few weeks into C25K, when I tripped on a crack in the sidewalk (I didn't get hurt and was able to finish my run, but it still sucked), and two, when I developed runner's knee at the beginning of week 8.
3. Why do you run?
I run because I like to challenge myself, and because I wanted something convenient and cheap and simple to do to improve my fitness level. I run because I always, always look on with envy at those runners you see who look so effortless, gliding along -- I want to be like that someday. I run because it makes me feel amazing and invincible, like I can do anything. It gives me a fantastic high, even if I am slow.
4. What is the best or worst piece of running advice that you've been given about running?
Rest if you are injured. Take it slow. Work up your endurance and distance. I guess I haven't heard any bad advice.
5. Tell us something surprising about yourself that not many people would know.
I'm really self-conscious overall. But I don't think you would ever know that if you saw me running my way through the neighborhood. OMG fat runner! Yeah. I just really don't care anymore what people think about that. In fact, I am very proud of what I am able to do, so I don't care if I jiggle like a bowl of jelly or if a kid on a tricycle could ride circles around me. Running has really given me a sense of pride about my body and what it is capable of doing now, and what it might develop into later.
I know I am supposed to tag five people, but... I'd like to see any one of my readers take this survey and post it on their blogs, too! So, go for it!
The Rules:
Tagging is easy. Just copy the following onto your post. The rules of the game are posted at the start of your blog post. In this case, I'm asking you 5 questions about running. Each player answers the 5 questions on their own blog. At the end of your post you tag 5 other people and post their names. Go to their blogs and leave a comment on their blogs telling them they've been tagged and to look at your blog for details. When they've answered the questions on their own blog, they come back to yours to tell you. Got that? (Stolen in its entirety from Flo by way of Irene ;)
1. How would you describe your running 10 years ago?
No running at all. Maybe some bike riding and walking. Five years before that, I was going to a gym regularly and using the treadmill, among other things. Some years before that, I was on my high school's cross-country team for one season, mainly because I had some encouraging friends on the team, and I wanted to see if I could do it. I was really slow (as I am now), and always came in last at the races, but my coach was awesome and encouraged us all to do the best we could, no matter what. He wasn't one of those crazy "You have to win!" coaches. Sadly, I didn't keep it up after that.
2. What is your best/worst running experience?
My best running experience was reaching the point in the C25K program where it's just straight running, and being able to do it, period. Yes, it was painful and slow, that first 20 minute run, but it was also totally great. I have two worst experiences: one, the time I fell a few weeks into C25K, when I tripped on a crack in the sidewalk (I didn't get hurt and was able to finish my run, but it still sucked), and two, when I developed runner's knee at the beginning of week 8.
3. Why do you run?
I run because I like to challenge myself, and because I wanted something convenient and cheap and simple to do to improve my fitness level. I run because I always, always look on with envy at those runners you see who look so effortless, gliding along -- I want to be like that someday. I run because it makes me feel amazing and invincible, like I can do anything. It gives me a fantastic high, even if I am slow.
4. What is the best or worst piece of running advice that you've been given about running?
Rest if you are injured. Take it slow. Work up your endurance and distance. I guess I haven't heard any bad advice.
5. Tell us something surprising about yourself that not many people would know.
I'm really self-conscious overall. But I don't think you would ever know that if you saw me running my way through the neighborhood. OMG fat runner! Yeah. I just really don't care anymore what people think about that. In fact, I am very proud of what I am able to do, so I don't care if I jiggle like a bowl of jelly or if a kid on a tricycle could ride circles around me. Running has really given me a sense of pride about my body and what it is capable of doing now, and what it might develop into later.
I know I am supposed to tag five people, but... I'd like to see any one of my readers take this survey and post it on their blogs, too! So, go for it!
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