Oh well

Weight: 313.2
Total Weight loss: 36.8

What a frustrating week. It started out so well, and has ended in shambles.

OK, maybe I am being a bit dramatic. In fact, I know I totally am. I'm thankful to be alive and well, for instance. But I don't understand how I could have lost so much weight and then gained it back so quickly, in the course of two weeks! Well, it's probably just that I expended so much energy and sweat every day that I was in New York, and once I got back to my regular life (and a less active one than usual, at that, because of this cold), my weight evened itself out and reverted back to reality. The reality is that I wasn't eating the best over my vacation before I went away, and that the last time I was able to weigh I was in the 313 neighborhood, therefore I have effectively maintained during that time, which I should be happy about.

There. I think that is a reasonable explanation, and putting it in that context, I feel much better. Like I had my cake and ate it, too. Literally.

I'm not feeling any better today, but not any worse, either. All I can say is thank the gods for Zicam, which keeps my nasal passages free and clear. I don't seem to be developing a cough or anything else, yet. Hopefully, I won't as I really do want to start running again, stat. I decided that tomorrow morning I am going to the running store for my sneakers no matter what. I want them on my feet and at the ready! As I may have mentioned before, C. is buying them for me for my birthday, but the funny thing is that I got a torn out catalog page from my stepmother in the mail yesterday with a note written on it: "Would you like these? They're on me, just let me know!" It's a pair of sneakers from Hammacher Schlemmer that have some sort of spring cushion in them or something. Well, I will tell her that I am all set on the sneaker front, but if she would like, I'd take her up on some other running gear if she is so inclined. Hopefully she will go for it. When I told her about my running goals, including 5Ks, 10Ks, and beyond, she said that she would love to join me on a 10K when I was ready, so that's something to look forward to.

Did you notice, I took my 40 pounds lost "bling" down for now? I don't feel like going back to the 35 pound one, so I'm going to wait it out until I get back down another few pounds before I put anything up announcing my achievements. At this point, it feels like too much pressure, too much to live up to. It's just that kind of week.

I'm looking forward to the weekend, and to a new week coming up. It's bound to be better than this one was.

Blergh.

Weight: 313.4
Total Weight loss: 36.6

Yikes. It turns out I actually am sick. By the time I got home from work last night, I felt like total crap. I'm very stuffed up, and fortunately Zicam does wonders for that, and and Advil substitute takes care of my aches. But ugh! How lame to get this kind of sick in the middle of summer, right? I was really looking forward to getting back into my running routine, but I'm going to hold off until next week. And I probably won't get my new sneakers until this weekend, which is fine, but this whole thing really bums me out, you know?

Well, I'm down a half pound-ish from my big gain yesterday. This is good, but man! I just knew that big loss was too good to be true, or just a result of the NYC craziness. Never mind, though. It'll come back down, just like it always does, and soon I will be totally back on track and headed down into the 200s.

I'm in a bit of a funk, sort of feeling like I just don't look any different, that I will never lose the double chin and rolls, and all of that. I'm usually very upbeat and optimistic about this stuff, all this work I'm doing, and I feel great, but... today? I'm feeling quite low about my efforts. It's probably just because life was so crazy there while on vacation, and getting back into some semblance of "normal" (whatever that means), but still. I have to admit: I am really, really upset about getting down to 307 and change, and then having it come back up to 313. I really am.

Not that I am giving up or falling off the proverbial horse, don't worry about that. I've felt this way before, way back when, and came through just fine. I will this time, too. I'm glad to have a place where I can publicly talk about this stuff, purge it from my psyche and pass it on into the ether of the internet.

Coaching self to regular self: "It's OK to feel down. You're sick, not feeling well and it's totally normal. It doesn't mean that you aren't succeeding. This is but a small bump in the road, a mere flicker in the flame. Go ahead, feel bad today, but work on getting better, feed your body with vitamins from healthy foods and lots of water, and ride it out. You're doing fine!"

*pats self on the head*