Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Happy New Year!

I'm excited, are you?

I have a really good feeling about 2009. Really good.

I feel great today -- gorgeous, powerful, confident, content. It is a feeling that I am trying to savor and hold on to for the new year. And, trust me -- it has nothing to do with any number on a scale, or what size pants I am wearing. It's all me, baby, all from within. I don't know from where it came, but I hope it decides to stay a while.

Look for my new blog starting January 5th (that's a Monday, *groan*), over at

Ten Percent

Hope to see you there, and HAPPIEST OF NEW YEARS to you all!

xoxo Amy

Monday, December 29, 2008

Hey, y'all!

Wow, I sure went MIA there, didn't I? Like many folks I let the holidays get the best of me in more ways than one. In the first place, I am sort of a grinch when it comes to the holiday season. I usually don't get into it until it has passed, really. By then there's nowhere to go with it! Ha ha. So, mentally and emotionally I'm not in the best place this time of year in general, with this year being that much harder with the loss of my stepdad.

Regardless I managed to have an OK time, and even have plans for both new year's eve AND new year's day -- that never happens! The downside of all this is that my eating has been, frankly, terrible. Whatever reprieve I had a few weeks ago from making bad choices went out the window since. But, I am fully preparing for a fresh start in the new year, all set to go once January 5th hits! I am excited to start exercising again, and gaining control of what goes in my mouth. I've sort of been having a free-for-all lately.

I do feel pretty yucky physically, to be honest. I feel that I have let myself go, and I don't like the sensation. I don't like that the clothes are fitting tighter, that walking an expansive parking lot makes me out of breath again. I know it won't take long to fix myself up again, and I am glad I have my plans to do it.

I still haven't picked out a new blog title yet, but believe me -- you will know it. I hope all of you will decide to come follow me to my new spot on the internets as I make my way to the next goal.

Thanks to all of you this past year who have been so supportive and kind. Here's to a wonderful, fresh new year with all kinds of prospects!

Monday, December 15, 2008

It's a Good Thing.

Weight: 311.4
Total Weight loss: 38.6 pounds

I'm so happy with the results of the scale lately. My relationship with food also seems to be on the mend, too, after those couple free-for-all weeks I had. I haven't been tracking food, but being mindful of what I am eating. I'm seeking out more recipes to try, using good foods. It's not all, like, "lite" recipes and things, but recipes that include perhaps a lot of veggies and lots of care. I don't know. Trying to avoid JUNK, mostly. So, cereal for breakfast, still lots of citrus, a leftovers lunch (today, tomorrow, and maybe the next day: porcini mushroom and gorgonzola risotto), a meat/potatoes/veggies dinner. The evening snacking issue has seemed to be a less critical concern lately, too, just naturally.

Maybe sometimes when you let go, things even out if you are still determined to treat your body well. Maybe if all you are concerned about is dropping pounds it will never become natural, or good.

I don't know how long it will take me to figure this stuff out once and for all. Maybe a lifetime? But I am going to stick with it, even if it is in a more passive way.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Another Friday

Fear not, dear readers -- I will certainly let you know when and to where I will be taking my blogging come the new year. I will put the info in the final post here, as well as in the sidebar so you won't be able to miss it!

I am really looking forward to 2009. I have so many plans up my sleeve, and ideas about who and what I want to be. In the meantime, I am going to enjoy the rest of 2008 as much as possible, and treat myself as best as I can. It's all about love.

I had a special surprise when I got home from work last night -- dinner just about ready in the oven and a clean boyfriend all freshly showered! Ah, sometimes it is the little things that can really make your day. We had a lovely dinner of little baked chuck steaks and baked potatoes with steamed broccoli and a dash of cheese sauce. Good stuff!

There's a fun, busy, productive weekend ahead. I am thankful for so many things.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Going down, down, down, down

I was pleased to see that I am back down to 312-and-something today. Must be all the citrus I am eating lately -- I bought a box of oranges and grapefruit for a fundraiser from a co-worker last week!

I'm lucky to have so many smart readers here -- you all have such great ideas! My plan is to get back to the 310 area (or below, of course) and call The 40 Project about losing 40 pounds in a year. Then, on January 1st, I will start a new blog and new everything else -- FitDay or Sparkpeople, Physics Diet, maybe even a new scale. Yes, definitely a new scale. Now I just need to come up with a catchy title for the new blog, but I have some time. :)

Thanks to you all who are so awesome reading and commenting. I know I say it all the time, but it is true -- sometimes YOU are literally what keeps me going on any given day. It's YOU who makes it so I don't just give up altogether. You help me believe in me, and for that I am forever indebted.


Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Fresh starts?

I can't even bring myself to report to you my weigh-ins lately. It's gotten pretty bad, to tell the truth. After an especially indulgent weekend (for no good reason, really), I really saw it on the scale. OK, basically I gained 6 pounds over the weekend, if you can believe it.

I'm down a pound today, which is good, but I am still just not feeling "into it" lately. I've got all kinds of crap floating around in my head that just complicates things (unrelated to food or anything), haven't been in the best mindspace overall.

I am still determined not to go back to where I started, though. Just so you know. I really am going to contain this. To be honest, I am looking forward to the new year and fresh beginnings. 2008 held many great accomplishments and good times for me, but I also experienced much loss and sadness. This morning, in fact, I found out that my cat Rose, who's been living with my mom for the past thirteen years, had to be put to sleep last night. She's been sick and had bladder cancer, so it's not a huge surprise, but it still hurts. And knowing that my mom is dealing with even more loss is especially upsetting. I know she is looking forward to saying goodbye to 2008.

I've been considering starting a new blog to replace this one in the new year, and to not renew my Daily Plate gold membership. I'm going to return to Fitday or sign up at Sparkpeople instead. Speaking of which, they had a link to a good, timely article in their e-newsletter today, which you can read here. It reminded me that no matter how things have ended this year, I have still lost at least 10% of my starting weight -- nothing to sneeze at, for sure. It's important to recognize any amount of success any of us have at this game, and this article was a great reminder of that.

In the meantime, I'm going to do the best I can to not gain more weight in the next few weeks, and maybe even get back down to good old 305 by the beginning of January, and go from there.

Thanks for hanging in there with me.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Still lucky, I guess...

Weight: 310
Total Weight loss: 40 pounds

No one is as surprised as I am about this week. I will cherish it always.

I think I can sense the almost-nothing-but-junk-food lifestyle getting old, actually. I've been more tired than usual, and I don't know... it's not THAT much fun eating crap all the time. Like anything else, you get sick of it eventually, don't you?

(Written as I just finished a second breakfast from Dunkin' Donuts -- when I wasn't even really hungry since I ate a nice bowl of cereal earlier! As Red Forman would say, "Dumbass!" It was one of those stupid impulse buys that I regretted pretty much the moment I left the store.)

It's early in the day, though, so I have plenty of time to make up for that somewhat.

Things are good, things are fine. I have plenty to look forward to.

Thursday, December 4, 2008


Weight: 310.4
Total Weight loss: 39.6 pounds

Man, if I was smart I would really make an effort today and get below 310 again.

It is really quite amazing that I am maintaining at 310 these past few days. But, maybe it makes some sense, because even though I am not eating "clean", I'm maybe still holding onto a few good habits. One, I still drink a lot of water. Two, I eat breakfast (though this week it's been a big bowl of Chex cereal and 2% milk rather than my usual yogurt and an apple). Three, I don't usually overeat while I am at work (one good thing about the 9 to 5 grind -- it's a good framework sometimes), so my daytime eating is mostly pretty OK.

So, at night I have dinner and have also been indulging in a big bowl of ice cream (back to a bad habit, just for a little while), but nothing else. It's not doing any damage, yet, but let's see how long that lasts. Maybe I will forgo the ice cream tonight, I don't know.

I just haven't decided in what direction the day will go. And that's OK. There's life to be lived!

xoxo most sincerely.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Back, begrudgingly?

Weight: 310.6
Total Weight loss: 39.4 pounds

Yesterday I weighed in at 310.2, so today was essentially a maintain. Either way, better than the 312 I started at on Monday.

Admittedly, I really haven't been trying very hard. Well, not really trying at all, to be honest. I don't know. It feels like the embers are burning low, but it could just be a temporary funk, too. I'm not writing myself off completely or anything... how did my 305 turn into 310, though? Now I'm happy to stay at or below 310?

For now, today at least, yes. Lately I have been feeling like eating whatever the heck I want, and I have been. I also have not been exercising. My month-long gym membership is quickly going to waste, and I am not sure I care. Though I have been craving a walk around the neighborhood, admittedly -- maybe even a jog. But the mornings are just not happening like they used to, since winter hit. It's nearly impossible for me to get out of bed when the alarm goes off, even if I have gotten a good eight hours (or more!) in.

I'm not expecting anyone to say anything yea or nay, I just wanted check in and it's turned into a little pity party. Well. Not really, I'm not doing any self-pitying. Just laying out the facts as they are now.

The funny thing is, I feel really good about myself lately, too. I might be fat, but I am not some schlub. On the contrary. I'm not sure where this is coming from.

I do know that I never want to be as heavy as I was, ever again. That was just plain uncomfortable. So I need to figure out striking a balance in this thing.

Stuff to think on.

Monday, December 1, 2008


Weight: 312
Total Weight loss: 38 pounds

OK, so... I'm not totally upset. On Thanksgiving morning, I weighed 308.4, so a total holiday weekend gain of less than 4 pounds is... doable, at least for me.

I mean, of course I am not thrilled, but considering all the indulging I did post-Thanksgiving, I'm surprised it's not worse. And I know what I need to do to fix it, so I am not too worried.

I haven't been to the gym in a week. I shall remedy that tomorrow, as I don't want it to be a waste of money on top of everything else. I would like to get in at least 4 days this week. My goal for the week will be to get comfortably under 310, as you have suggested. I can't believe now that in just over a month I will have my year anniversary for my weight loss efforts! It would be really nice to make that anniversary number a nice, round 50 pounds, wouldn't it? Then I can start working on the next 50, once and for all. 50 pounds a year is not so shabby, not at all.

Thanksgiving was really nice. The meal was wonderful (if I say so myself, since I cooked it!), the company equally so. It took me almost as long to recover from the holiday as it did to get ready for it -- boy, was I ever exhausted after the meal and the days after! I am kind of glad to be back in the old work routine for now.

Hope all is well with you. I am thankful for each and every one of you who reads and/or comments.