Monday, November 24, 2008


We won't discuss weight today.

I mean, I know that is kind of the point of this blog in the first place, but... you know.

Well, first off, I didn't weigh myself this morning. Didn't go to the gym, either.

I was sick all weekend, after all. Plus, I didn't sleep especially well last night. I couldn't get warm no matter what I did.

You see where this is going?


I was back down to 306.2 at some point the past few days, and then back up to 309 yesterday. I know, I said I wasn't going to talk pounds. But that's where I stand.

I'm off from work until next Monday, which is great. I have lots of T-day prep to do, but I am also going to go to the gym at the very least tomorrow and the next day, first thing in the morning. I won't waste my month's due of $45, no sir. I also don't want to totally go off the deep end. Exercising will keep me in safe harbor.

This blog is getting to be like one of those annoying TV shows that started off really interesting and exciting for the first season, and then keeps drawing storylines out and repeating itself so much that you just don't care anymore. I apologize for that. The thing is, I just won't give up.

And there's no network who is going to cancel me.

Well, I will keep checking in over the holiday. Tell me how you are doing, why don't you?

Oh, and, if you are into art, craft, and design stuff, I have a new blog. Have a look!


Thursday, November 20, 2008

Gym love

Weight: 308
Total Weight loss: 42 pounds

Looks like the weight is holding steady... I must have had a gain yesterday, is all I can think. But no matter. I am happy that it is below 310, and I feel great from my workouts at the gym. This morning's session was great. I had another 15 minutes on the bike (at a lower level so that I wasn't dying the whole time, but enough that I still sweat like crazy) and about 38 minutes on the treadmill. I even tried out some higher speeds this time, maintaining 3.7 mph for a couple minutes, doing 3.2 a few times. The rest of the time was an easy-going 2.5-2.8 mph, but still a very good workout, trust me -- I just kept trying to push myself a little more, go a little faster for longer, go a few more minutes, etc. And I pretty much had the whole place to myself most of the time, except for when my new pal Debbie was there getting her time on the treadmill before work.

My eating has been, I'd say, a 7 out of 10. I've been tracking for the most part, having good breakfasts and lunches, and doing my best for dinner and beyond. Last night I made some sauteed bay scallops (a nice break from our usual chicken) along with our old standby, roasted asparagus, as well as something new -- roasted acorn squash with thyme. Very scrumptious and satisfying!

I'm actually trying to fight off whatever's going around the past couple days... I've had a twinge of sore throat that came into full bloom last night, and some post-nasal drip. But, I simply cannot get sick with Thanksgiving just around the corner! I broke out the Zicam for my congestion last night, which also helped with the throat, and figure that all that sweating I've been doing should help, along with the copious amounts of green tea I am trying to drink. Plus a multivitamin. I just have to keep this at bay. Thanksgiving is my very favorite holiday... so keep your fingers crossed for me that I can get rid of it and ALSO that C. doesn't get it, either. We had a sick Thanksgiving one year and it was just awful.

Here's to good health and a nicely roasted turkey!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I'm a Gym Rat

Well, it's official: I'm a gym rat!

Ha ha, OK, maybe not. But I did do as I promised myself and went to the gym after work yesterday to sign up for a month and see how it goes. This morning before work I went and had my first gym session in, like, forever. And it was awesome! I loved it.

Like I said yesterday, this gym is totally no-frills and is probably geared more toward weight-lifting guys, but it has nice, basic cardio equipment: treadmills, steppers, and recumbent bikes. Plus, it was pretty empty when I was there this morning. And it's open 24 hours! The locker room is fine and has private shower stalls, yay.

Anyway, I worked out for just short of an hour this morning and I think it is safe to say that I got a much more thorough workout than when I go on my little walks. I started out with a 15-minute session on the bike to warm up -- heh, little did I know how much it would kick my ass! -- and finished off with about 35 minutes on the treadmill. Such a different experience from walking outside! I feel like it is much harder to control my form, but that may be just because I'm not used to having to keep my balance and stay on the machine -- I tend toward the clumsy, after all, it would be no surprise if I ever fell off one of those things! I took it fairly easy, staying the 2.8-3.2 mph range, with warm-up and cool-down at 2.5. I "ran" a good portion of that, as the woman next to was walking at 4.0! Ah well. I'll get faster with time.

I'm just so pleased about this. C. suggested that I just go ahead a buy my own treadmill and save some money, but I think I honestly like the whole thing of going to the gym, being able to use different machines. Not to mention that the gym has a better atmosphere than our dark little basement! When I signed up last night, the guy told me that they have a deal on an annual membership at the beginning of the year -- like half off -- so I may decide to invest in that, it would be about $20 a month. We'll see.

I ended up not weighing this morning, mainly because I was running a tad late and was hoping they would have a scale at the gym, but no dice. From now on I will be better prepared in the mornings and be sure to weigh before I leave, since I head to work directly after the gym.

I feel great! YES!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Hanging in There!

Weight: 308.4
Total Weight loss: 41.6 pounds

Truth be told, even though I showed a little gain this morning, I am relieved. Once I got home after yesterday's chocolate debacle, I just sort of gave up on the day. Not totally, but mostly. We had chicken salad sandwiches and potato chips for dinner, which would have been OK in itself (though not great, I know), but I continued to snack on the chips, made a bowl of popcorn, and ate some more chocolate. All that considered, I am more than happy with a half pound gain for the day. I didn't even exercise this morning!

I'm giving myself a pass because of my period. Lame, maybe, but I am. It's just really knocked me down yesterday, and I am still feeling crappy today. On top of that, it's finally really started getting cold, and we had the first snow of the season that has stuck. Even after over 8 hours of sleep, I just couldn't force myself out of bed and out for a walk. Just no way.

I made up for it, I think, by stopping by the little no-frills gym that's right on my way to work to see how much it costs and what the facilities are like. Nothing fancy, just your basic cardio and weight equipment, but NO contract and NO crowds. This way I could still get my cardio in, even do add some weight work to my routine, and not have to freeze or worry about slipping in the ice and snow. I was thinking I could just use the gym during the unbearable winter months (late November through mid March or so) and keep doing my outside routine, which I love, the rest of the year. I'll just have to rethink my morning routine, get up a little earlier maybe. I decided, I am going to start tomorrow! Exciting!

Today I have a nice salad fixed up for lunch, plus a Lean Cuisine meal. I'm not sure what the plan is for dinner, but I will have plenty of wiggle room calorie-wise. I want to get back in full gear again!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Oh, well!

Weight: 307.8
Total Weight loss: 42.2 pounds

So, a little bit of a rebound there. Yesterday I was at 306. It doesn't surprise me in the least, really -- it's now officially that time of the month, and I've got the bloat to prove it. Also, today was a rest day as far as exercise goes. I'm still mighty pleased to be well under where I stood one short week ago, though -- make no mistake about that! I only wish that I had remembered to take some Advil this morning, because let me tell you, chocolate makes a poor substitute for pain reliever!

I received a box of Russell Stover chocolates this morning at work from one of our authors, and made the mistake of opening the box after my nice, healthy lunch of black beans and fresh veggies. To say that I overindulged would be an understatement -- I literally ate half the box (ten pieces) before I snapped out of my cocoa stupor. That's 750 calories right there. Yikes! Note to self: always read the nutrition information label before you embark on a little binge. Ack. Well, I have gone ahead and tracked it with everything else, and try to do the best I can this evening with dinner.

It was kind of a rough weekend. Saturday I had plans to get a lot of stuff done but ended up getting into spats with C. most of the afternoon, mostly due to my admitted bitchiness. I just couldn't let go of anything, you know? Sunday I went to my mom's to accompany her to an old family friend's wake. My mom was good friends with her for over 20 years and had worked with her for about 10, and she had been our realtor when we bought the house last summer. So, especially after losing my stepdad so recently, this is a big blow to my mom. I am worried about her, but she seems to be holding up OK considering... you can imagine that Sunday was an emotional day, and I don't know. I'm hoping this week will be much better. I have a lot to do in the coming weeks between getting ready for my exhibition in February, and the holidays (I'm the Thanksgiving chef in our family).

I have high expectations this week. I'm looking forward to exercising again (REALLY hope the outside of my calves quit bothering me so much), and doing well with my eating and getting well into my "safe" zone. I'm just going to continue to do what I have been doing the past week, and hope for the best.

Saturday, November 15, 2008


Weight: 305.2
Total Weight loss: 44.8 pounds

All I can say is, holy cow. I stuck with it this week and lost 8 pounds since Monday! Talk about unusual and, well, fantastic!

I just want to say again that I didn't do anything unhealthy to achieve this. First, the weight I lost this week was also weight that had come on fairly quickly, too. Maybe I am totally off-base on this, but I really think "new" fat is easier to lose than "old" fat. Second, as I have said earlier this week, I simply ate within my limits -- which didn't mean that I had to deprive myself of much of anything, except gluttony. I still had satisfying meals and ate yummy food. I even had a few little chocolate every day. I just made sure to stay within or darn close to my daily caloric bounds. Third, I exercised for 30-60 minutes every day (except Monday) -- five days total. I went for my walk each morning and just focused on distance, not speed. I read somewhere recently that it's not how fast you go, it's how far you go. So that has been my goal. And I really stuck with it, feeling that it was absolutely key to my success this week (and hopefully next, and next...). Fourth, drank lots of water every single day, and finally: I reported to you here in this blog almost every day.

I am almost into my "safety" zone again, which is anything under 305 pounds (though preferably 303), and I am thrilled about that after feeling so despondent earlier in the week. I was so afraid that this was it, I was headed back into dangerous territory, never to be seen again. I just couldn't let that happen, not this time. Now, if anything, I have bought myself some cushion, but ultimately, I hope that this exercise in determination has brought me to the next leg of this journey, where I enter the 200s and stay there for a long while!

Momentum. I mentioned that word a few days ago, something I so desperately wanted to keep going. I had a great week, but there is no rest for the weary, is there? If I want to continue this success, I am going to have to keep doing what I have been doing. Sure, I won't lose eight pounds every week (and wouldn't want to), but I can keep myself headed in the right direction, bit by bit, until I reach my goal.

Friday, November 14, 2008


Weight: 306.4
Total Weight loss: 43.6 pounds

Well. It's been a very, very good week for one that started off so pitiful. I was really able to get back on track in so many ways:

• Good eating habits!
• Good exercise habits!
• Making more art with my show in mind and adding some of it to my Etsy shop, Choci Art.

I'm almost back down to where I was a month ago, thank goodness. I feel confident that I can continue the momentum into next week and maybe even approach the 200s mark -- and stay there! I SO want out of the 300s already.

Though I will say one thing. I actually feel pretty good about myself and comfortable with my body, so that (god forbid) I should never lose or gain any more weight, I'd be kind of OK with that. Of course, I very much want to lose more weight for a variety of reasons, but just sayin'. It's nice to feel good in one's skin. I am proud of that, and when you see me walking around, I bet you can tell. No slouching and slinking around for this gal -- except when I am at my desk, then I am BAD about slouching.

Anyway. I am taking great pride in what I have been able to do this week. Yesterday, my walk was just about 2.75 miles long, and today's? 3.33 miles! I'd have kept going if I wasn't going to be very late for work. The walks have been vastly improving in the past few days, once I figured out that my body doesn't really warm up until after the first 20 minutes to half an hour. It's a bummer time-wise, but I don't mind too much. I'm out there doing it. And it feels AWESOME!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008


Weight: 308.8
Total Weight loss: 41.2 pounds

Momentum: I want it to take over.

So far, so good this week, huh? I am continuing back down into more acceptable territory again, which is a relief. But I mustn't rest on my laurels here; this is a crucial moment. I've got to keep it up the rest of the week however I can.

But it still really hasn't been hard. The hardest thing is really just watching it when I get home in the evening. Don't overdo dinner, don't snack. I had gotten used to a bowl of popcorn every night, which really isn't bad in the big scheme of things, but when you add it all up... it's just too much and I am never eating it because I am hungry anyway. I'm trying to get in the mindset "If I am not hungry, I don't need it" along with my spending habits. Like, I wanted to get a new winter coat this season, but the reality is that the coats I have are just fine, and I should keep wearing them until a) they are comically too big or b) they are just too ratty. Same thing with shoes, and whatever else. "Do I really need it? No? Then I am not buying it." Tell that to the issue of Martha Stewart Living that somehow jumped into my grocery cart yesterday. ;)

I dropped more than 3 pounds in the past couple days not from anything other than eating within my limits, drinking lots of water, and keeping up with my exercise. This is what works, without fail, if I remain focused. It works!

I had a great walk for a change this morning. I never plan my routes or anything and I general do 30-35 minutes. Recently, my legs had been bothering me a lot even at the beginning of each workout. Today I decided to start off very easy and not push myself at all for the first five minutes (probably a good idea anyway). It seemed to work, because I suffered only the very slightest twinge of pain once or twice for the whole nearly 50 minute walk. I was on a roll, and just wanted to keep going. It felt good. I was even able to throw some running in there toward the end, about .75 miles' worth. My legs were fine, and so was my cardio -- I clearly haven't lost much, if any of the fitness I developed in recent months. Thankfully.

I'm really into it again! This is the second week that I've exercised consistently -- 4-5x a week, at least 30 minutes each day. It really is my saving grace, no matter what else I do in other areas for my health.

I'm back to my basic, brown bag breakfast: yogurt and an apple. I made some great soup over the weekend -- Pumpkin Black Bean -- that has been serving as my lunch, along with a chunk of homemade cheese bread and a hearty salad. Dinners have been reasonable, and I have been snacking much less. It's starting to feel natural again, and not an imposition. That's really the key, isn't it?


In other news, I am excited to have 3 sales in my Etsy shop this week! They're small sales, just a few zines, but I am still pretty thrilled. I'm adding more almost every day, so be sure to go have a look!

Ah, it's a good week indeed.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Quick update

Weight: 312 pounds
Total Weight loss: 38 pounds

Well, I am back down a teeny bit, and I will take that. Hopefully I can keep it going. I think now that however many times I need to write down a re-commitment, then I will: every day, if I have to. But I am not giving up.

I had a good food day yesterday, and today looks like it will be, too. I walked just over 1.75 miles this morning and that went well. I don't know.

I know there was some concern about my goal to get back down into my comfort zone again by Thanksgiving, but it is really not necessary. I know my body, and I know that it can gain weight really quickly, and if I take care of it right away, it comes off quickly, too. I've spent the last 10 months doing this and a lifetime of trying to right myself with my body. Honestly, just getting below 310 again will be a relief, but I KNOW I can get back down again with not a whole lot of effort -- yesterday wasn't painful at all; I simply ate within my limits, and didn't snack in the evening. It wasn't hard, I didn't feel like I was sacrificing anything. I'm doing it to GET somewhere, so it's OK.

This gain has happened in just the past two weeks. It hasn't settled yet. I'm going to get it.

Thanks, as always, all of you.

I think tomorrow will be a good day.

Monday, November 10, 2008


Weight: 313.2
Total Weight loss: 36.8 pounds

Oh, yikes.

I don't know what's up with me lately. I keep making these big declarations about how I need to get back on track, how I really want to lose more weight, how scared I am to be backsliding so much in the past month, yet it's not getting any better.

This really, really sucks. I want to say that I don't know what to do, even though I clearly do since I have done it before! I can blame it on PMS, or being depressed about my stepfather's death, but the reality is that I have been letting my compulsive overeating impulses take over again, full stop.

Look, I really don't want to have a repeat performance of so many times before. Especially the last time I lost weight. It's starting to become a mirror image of that, and I don't want that to happen! I want to be successful at this. I want to do good for myself.

The one saving grace in all this is that I have continued with my regular exercising, even though that has been a bit rough, too. On Saturday I went out for a very slow walk, slow only because my shins were really bothering me again. So frustrating to want to do one thing and have your body allow another. Yesterday we raked leaves for about a half hour, and I am feeling it this morning -- lots of muscles who have been neglected for too long! I took a break this morning from walking with the hopes that tomorrow's workout will be back to normal. I desperately need it to be. Another good habit I've been keeping up (at least on weekdays) is water intake -- I've been averaging 100 oz. a day, and I will continue that.

This morning I packed my lunch, some of the pumpkin black bean soup I made over the weekend, and a nice salad. I'm having tea and yogurt for breakfast. I'm going to track again this week and be brutally honest with myself.

So now my goal is simple: to get back down in my "safe" zone (between 300-305) by Thanksgiving, and stay there -- even after the holiday! That gives me 2-1/2 weeks to lose almost ten pounds, which I know sounds drastic, but given that the weight came on so quickly, I have a feeling it will come off quickly as well, assuming that I stick to plan diligently. That's what's been missing from my campaign: Diligence.

Thanks again for the continued, wonderful, supportive comments. Please, in the next couple weeks especially -- keep 'em coming! It helps so much to keep my head on straight and is a major reason why I am not crying about this. It's because you help me to continue to believe that I can do this, no matter how many setbacks I have.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Hard Times

Weight: 310.4
Total Weight loss: 39.6 pounds

Grrrr. I knew this would happen, so it's no surprise once again. Yesterday's eating was just totally in the toilet... BUT I figured out that yes indeed, the PMS monster is in effect which explains part of my problem as far as wanting to eat the whole universe.

I just feel like a big YUCK! Blech. Last night I had some wicked heartburn for the first time in a long time (that's my body trying to tell me something!), and just felt tired and mopey. I went to bed very early and still had a hard time getting out of bed this morning. I debated since last night whether to walk/run/whatever (I should just call my morning exercise WRW from now on) this morning, up until the very last minute. And then I was like, "You know, one of your goals this week was to exercise every day. Since everything else has been so bad, you may as well make good on this one thing, right?" Right, so I did. Once again, my legs felt heavy. It was all kinds of stuff: my left ankle kind of bothered me, my right knee was twinging, I REALLY had to go to the bathroom -- the bad kind (uh-oh!). One thing I did have going for me was my cardiovascular. Overall, I still have that -- I am never totally gasping for breath or feel like I am going to die. Just my legs give me trouble if anything these days.

I know it is probably because of all the extra weight I carry, which makes it so much extra crucial that I start losing weight again. Because I (don't laugh) truly enjoy my morning exercise and wish I could get more done in a shorter amount of time -- it's so frustrating. Well, today it was just over two miles in just under 45 minutes -- SO slow! I'm not sure what happened there, but I am just going to keep getting out there each day; things are bound to improve again.

Of course, this week's poor performance could have everything to do with PMS, too. Really. It's happened before, where exercise has been nearly impossible during that time due to fatigue, so maybe this is actually an improvement. I guess time will tell.

Anyway... I know I sound like a broken record, and it probably doesn't seem like I am very sincere based on my results, but: I am NOT giving up, dammit!

Just not.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Obama: Epic Victory. Me: Epic Fail.

Weight: 308.8
Total Weight loss: 41.2 pounds

*sigh* I am SO happy about the election results. I cried with joy when I realized that Obama won enough electoral votes, and cried again when I saw his speech. What a night that was! Sadly, on the other hand, I used it as an excuse to overindulge. I don't know why, really. So, yesterday, the scale was cruel, showing at just over 310 pounds, grr! I'm back down today, as you can see, so that is good, but still. Grr.

I stayed up late on election night so I wasn't able to drag myself out of bed early enough to get a run in yesterday morning, but today I was back out with bells on. Kind of. I made the mistake of starting off running, mainly because my across the street neighbor was out walking his dog and I talked to him for a moment, but didn't want him to feel obligated to continue the conversation for long, so I excused myself and off I went prancing long enough to get out of view. It did me in, not only running without a warmup but also going faster than I normally do and heading up an incline. Ouch. So the first 20 minutes of my walk/run/whatever was sad and bleak. My shins were hurting, and I wasn't sure I'd make it to 20 minutes, much less beyond that. Fortunately, just about at that point things started loosening up and feeling normal, so I was able to run the last half mile comfortably, and get in a total of 35 minutes of exercise. Phew! It did feel good in the end, so I am glad I stuck with it.

My eating has been, quite simply, atrocious today. Maybe it is getting toward PMS time because I just feel like I want to eat everything in sight, and kind of have been, making poor choices to boot. We'll probably have a non-dangerous stir-fry for dinner, so that'll be OK, but man! What a crappy day otherwise.

Well, those are going to happen, aren't they? Truth be told, I am just pleased to not be over 310. I really don't want to go there, no sir.


So, it seems like quite a few of you are new readers and/or coming out of the woodwork to offer me encouraging words, which is fantastic. I'm glad that you're enjoying this blog, and hope that you will continue to stick with me through thick and thin!


One last piece of news is that my little Etsy shop is pretty well stocked for now, so go check it out, and spread the word to those who enjoy fine art and/or zines. I think I have some interesting and cool stuff to offer, if I say so myself.

Here's to another good day, maybe tomorrow? Definitely.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

HYC Check-In: Victory Run for Obama

Weight: 307.4
Total Weight loss: 42.6 pounds

I am not normally one to wear my political stripes on my sleeve (well, people'd probably guess that I am very liberal, anyway), but I just want to say: Go Obama! What an important election this is. I will say, too: Go vote! I don't care who you vote for, just go and cast your ballot. It's your right and obligation as a citizen of our country -- and the more people vote, the truer a democracy our country is.


My polling place is just a five-minute walk away at the local elementary school, so I walked there at around 6:30am, waited ten minutes to cast my vote, and continued on. I did a walk/run, probably a good, even split. I tried to run as much as possible, telling myself that it was my Victory Run for Barack Obama. It worked -- really kept me motivated to keep going. I don't have my stats for today's workout since I ended up chatting with a lady way up on the "dinner" side of my street, but I know I got at least a half hour of exercise in total this morning. I sweated a lot, it felt good. And it was actually quite warm out, in the 50s -- I ended up taking my hoodie off and wrapping around my waist.

I'm happy to see the scale reading heading south again, but it is starting to feel like I am never going to see below 305 again. So frustrating! I know I can make it happen, but I am getting impatient. I had hoped to be back in that neighborhood by the end of last week! And to think that months ago I though I'd have a chance to make it down to 250 by Thanksgiving! Little did I know. Oh well, it's not a race and I am still pleased that I managed to lose 50 pounds during the year. Who knows, maybe by January (my one year anniversary) I will have lost even more, we'll see.

I'll just say it one last time, in closing: VOTE!!! :)

Monday, November 3, 2008

Shameless Self-Promotion

Since this blog was originally about fat and money, it's not entirely off-base that I added a little button on my sidebar that will whisk you away to my Etsy shop. I'm still working on getting my finances in order, and one way to help things along is to get going on selling some of my artwork like I always mean to do!

So, in shameless self-promotion, I urge you to take a gander at my shop, which will include original fine art, zines, handmade books, and who knows what else down the line. I'll have items at every price point, and will be adding new items regularly, so check back often!

(Also, making stuff sure does take my mind off of snacking! Support your local blogger-eater-artist!)

Brand New Day

Weight: 308.4
Total Weight loss: 41.6 pounds

I had a great weekend overall, just in general as well as food-wise. Yesterday I weighed in at 306.8, so I was disappointed with this morning's weigh-in. However, it is still pretty close to where I left off on Friday, so I guess I should be happy that I made it through the weekend without totally ruining my last week's efforts. And besides, who knows how good it might be tomorrow, right? No fretting over daily weighs on this blog. That's not the point of a daily weigh, anyhow.

I am happy to say that I got 35 minutes of walking in this morning, in the rain, no less. Go me! I grabbed my umbrella and just did it. My pace has slowed considerably in the past week for some reason, but I am hoping to speed it up just a week bit... I am not focused so much on that as much as just getting out to do something, but it is nice to have determinate goals. No more walking in the dark, though this morning was darker than it might have been, with gloom and drizzle. Still, the rest of the week is supposed to be temperate, and I will enjoy it while I can! I do plan to continue my outings throughout the winter, so I am preparing myself for cold and snow. At least I have some experience with that, having started back in March.

Hey, I am wearing an XL shirt from Target today! It is from the group of clothes I bought on clearance a few months ago; this cute shirt cost just $9.00. I cheated a little, I admit... I did have to sort of the yank the arm holes open more because of my extra large armsies, otherwise the shirt fits perfectly! I love it, such a cute, modern pattern, and the detail at the neckline is lovely... see?

All things considered, I feel strong and healthy today, and look forward to a really great week on plan. This week's goals include:

• Blogging every day (I think this has really, really helped)
• Walking or running every day
• Tracking food every day
• Eating a few servings of fruits and vegetables every day
• Limiting the amount of processed foods I eat
• Doing the best I can to deal with evening snacking
• Stay within daily caloric limits whenever possible!

Totally doable, what do you think?