I'm a Runner, Again.

Weight: 305.8
Total Weight loss: 44.2
(But I am still keeping my 45 pound badge for now!)

Well, I guess I never stopped being a runner, except for the fact that I took a break from it for a week. And boy, am I glad I did! This morning I rather begrudgingly got my running gear on and headed out the door. I was running a little late, as seems to be my habit lately, so I thought, well, just get 20 minutes in today and see how it goes. 1.06 miles and 18 and a half minutes later, I was finished and very pleased. Running didn't feel like a chore as it had started to feel before my break. Also, I had no pains or aches to contend with, which really helped matters. My pace felt improved (it was, by about a minute!), and it was just GOOD overall.

So, now my plan is to get three or four 20-minute runs in this week, and next week start Hal Higdon's 5K Training for Novices. The first week of that program begins with 1.5-milers, so that will be perfect and totally doable. My goal for the next eight weeks is to make the 5K distance comfortable or even easy, and to speed up a little, which I suspect will also happen naturally. I'm not going to do speedwork or anything yet, don't worry!

As predicted, my weight went up a bit after that big drop. Today's weigh-in was awesome, headed back down again. I've been really working at balancing things eating-wise. Yes, I make sure to get in fruit and veggies a-plenty -- both C. and I seem to actually crave the stuff as much as we crave chocolate, ha! But I have also just been eating. Like, eating whatever. Like an ice cream sundae yesterday for lunch's dessert! Then, we made a fantastic chicken and veggie stir-fry for dinner, super healthy, filling, and yummy. And no snacking after that. Balance. It seems to be working out OK. Good stuff since this is my ultimate desire -- to be able to not be overly restrictive in my eating habits, to not feel like I have to make major unpleasant compromises, and still be healthy and maintain a reasonable weight. Yes, it's true that this is taking some extra time. But I'm going to be happy I did take so long when I see that I am able to keep what I have lost off for good. I truly believe I can do that.

I've also had a couple clothes NSVs recently! Today I am wearing a skirt that I haven't been able to wear in at least a couple years, Lane Bryant size 22/24, and yesterday I tried on a pair of pants that I bought the last time I lost weight five years ago... they're LB size 22, and I am now able to get them on and zipper and fasten them without inhaling! They're not quite ready for public consumption as my tummy looks like a balloon in them, but I'm getting close. This particularly intrigues me because the last time I could wear them I weighed quite a bit less, which leads me to wonder whether I have a lot more muscle weight now? Or perhaps my weight distribution has shifted slightly. Who knows?

All personal stuff aside, I'm very pleased with the recent turn of events and attitude concerning my efforts and look forward to a good, active week.

TGIM!

I hate to say it, but I am glad it's Monday. I need a fresh start.

It was an odd weekend, mostly good, but I am exhausted again and glad to have some structure in my day.

My weight has pretty much held steady. I was hoping to see a dip to 305, but no such luck yet. Perhaps this week! Running has been really, really difficult for some reason. I'm not sure what is going on, but maybe I am just worrying too much. So, Friday was a rest day, and Saturday a 30-minute walk was on the schedule but I did three and a half hours of gardening and yard work instead, i.e. yanking miles of creeping Charlie and other invasive species out of the jungle garden, trimming bushes, and generally tidying things up. I must have sweated about 3 gallons' worth and had nothing left after that. On Sunday, I was in no shape to, and I got a late (9am) start on my scheduled three mile run. I thought there was no way I would be able to make it through, but I tried anyway since a lot times what happens is that those days are always the most successful. Not this time! I barely made it a half mile before I had to walk, and I only covered about 1.5 miles total, about half and half running/walking. It was so disappointing, but what can you do? It's not always going to be great out there, I know.

Today, thankfully is another rest day, which I really need. In fact, I have been considering taking a week off from running, if only to have some relief from the low-grade pain I've been living with since I ran the 5K. I can't seem to shake it totally, and it kind of sucks always walking around trying to ignore it. Or is that what you have to do as someone "in training" as I consider myself? Does everyone feel soreness all the time?

Sorry to sound like a baby about this. I'm just not sure if I should continue on with my program, scale back, or just rest for a week. Tomorrow's run is a 1.5-miler, and I may try it just to see if it goes any better... maybe I will just stay at 1.5-2 miles for a couple weeks before I continue with Spring Training. The 3 mile runs really take a lot out of me at this point.

I guess I am discovering that, much like adjusting to a new eating plan, you have to tweak things a bit as you go along, and figure out how much you can handle at a given time. It's such a delicate balance, though. On one hand, I want to challenge myself and not rest on my laurels; on the other, I don't want to take on too much, too soon and end up quitting because it was too hard. It is hard to pull back a little, especially when you're blogging and make your plans public and accountable to so many people, but the reality is that if I push too hard, I'm going to either hurt myself or get discouraged, or both.

So that's where I am at today. Feeling weary and a little down, but still willing to figure out how I can move forward to the next level, and still wanting desperately to reach my goals. Ultimately, that's the most important thing, isn't it?

307, Begone! Plus thoughts on being slow

Weight: 306.2
Total Weight loss: 43.8 pounds

I know I should wait to totally celebrate until it's been a few days under 307, but hot damn! I finally broke it! I think eating clean the past two days and my new training schedule are really helping. I just plain feel better, too, except for the usual aches from running.

Today's run was a 3-miler. I was apprehensive about it since my runs since the 5K race have been difficult, including the 1.5 mile one yesterday. But, I trudged on through and finished it without walking! And, I added on just enough for it to qualify as a 5K, so... maybe it could count for the Wee Little Virtual 5K? (Ha ha, I am still hung up on that!). It took me an hour on the nose to finish, for those of you keeping score. Damn, I run slow.

I had this whole conversation in my head about how slow I am, how I thought it might be good to start an official "slow running" movement, but also how maybe I should just give it up and stick with walking. Hell no! Slow or not, I am running. It's what I love to do. My movements are running movements; in fact, if I entered a race as a walker I would be disqualified because of that. I am obviously still pretty self-conscious of my pace. I kept thinking about how all my readers, if they saw me running, would be like, "Hey! That's not running! That's... I don't know what!" I wonder if I wrongly claim the title of Runner. C. says I am a jogger, but no, I firmly believe that what I do is running. I am serious about improving, I have a training schedule, and I run races. Please don't belittle what I do by saying that I jog, simply because I am slow.

Michelle asked yesterday if I am treating myself to something special to celebrate my six month commitment. The answer is an emphatic YES! I subscribed to two running magazines and bought a couple books on the subject as well. Surely a casual jogger would never do that? Last week I bought a copy of Runner's World and was instantly hooked. I admit it, I am becoming obsessed with running. I hope those of you non-running readers aren't getting fed up with my new focus, but I must say it again: I don't think I would have stayed with this like I have if I hadn't discovered running. It really keeps me going, as well as takes away the focus from my actual weight loss, which, as many of you know, can be really frustrating and/or obsessing in not the most healthy way. I have new reasons to eat more healthfully: to fuel my runs, and to make my body more efficient for the task. It's nifty, if you ask me.

I suppose it could be argued that I have shifted my sometimes obsessive nature from one area (weight loss) to another (running), so why is it any better? Well, I do think it is healthier and more conducive to a better mind-set overall. I'm finding it easier to love my body now that I have challenged it the way I have, now that it has proven itself to me that it is so much more than a mere lump of flesh. I can now start to see it for what it is: a configuration of active molecules that I am making use of!

Today's achievements are bittersweet. My stepdad took a turn for the worse recently and is back in the hospital. Would you all kindly think some good thoughts/prayers for him? I would really appreciate it.

My First 5K: A Story about Coming in Last

(Stupid arms-behind-back pose. What's up with that? Also, I am very proud of my sweat stains! I took a few photos of pre-race stuff with my phone, but didn't get any taken of me, except after I got home and had C. take a couple of me still in my sweaty outfit. Maybe next time I will have a buddy there with me to have photo duty!)

I did it! I finished my first 5K race last night. It feels amazing, if a little (OK, a LOT) achey and sore. People, I am 300 (and some) pounds of RUN!

I was nervous for nothing, really. I got to the registration table early and got my number (200, cool!), chip, and goody bag (neat!), and then had over an hour to kill. The race took place on Goat Island in Niagara Falls, NY, so it was a beautiful park setting (the oldest National Park in the country, in fact), with an amazing bonus view of the falls right at the starting line.

It wasn't a huge race. I'd guess maybe 300 people? It was an exciting feeling to be among all the people as we waited for the signal to begin. I positioned myself back with the walkers (who were doing a 1.5 mile route as opposed to the full 5K), since my pace is probably slower than even some of them! (More on that shortly, heh.) Of course there was a great surge forward at the start, but I was cautious to not let it get the best of me and I stayed at my usual pace: SLOW. People of all types passed me: very old, very young, walking soccer moms, people with strollers... eventually pretty much everyone passed by me. Yet somehow, I didn't get discouraged. I kept going. It felt weird and disconcerting, yes, but I had one goal that I was going to achieve no matter what: finish the damn race.

Early on middle-aged older lady and a young girl of about six walked by me. The girl asked the lady, "What's she doing?", looking at me. The lady answered, "She's doing a combination!" I turned to them and said, "No, actually, I am running. I'm just really slow." The lady smiled and said, "Well, you're doing great." Ha ha.

Not too much longer after that, a motorized cart came by, and the driver said something to the people behind me, who were part of the walking group. I turned around and asked the group what was going on. This man was like, "There's a marathon (sic) taking place here," like he didn't realize that I was participating in it! When I told him, "Yes, I KNOW that, I am running in it, too!", he acted all surprised and apologized, and said that the cart driver told him that the elite runners were starting to come through, so we'd need to watch out and stay out of the way. I admit, I threw him a dirty look, not very sportsmanlike, I know. But come on! I've got a running outfit on, sneakers and all, and I am making running motions with my body! What would make you think that I was not IN the thing? I don't know why, but it really pissed me off.

That was the only thing that threw me off a bit. The rest of the race was great, but hard. During the first mile, I really didn't think I had it in me to finish. But, once I passed by the guy who was announcing the first mile marker along with the time, I started to feel better. At one mile I was at 18:38, pretty standard for me. Plus, I tried to keep in mind that the first 20 minutes are always the toughest for me, so I just kept going. Also, seeing the "elites" -- actually, seeing all of the other runners pass by -- was really inspirational. Big bonus points go to the few that said, "Good job, keep going!" and the like as they zoomed by me. Truly, it meant the world to me and made a big difference in my mental state. Ah, to be a gazelle. Maybe someday.

I was glad once the walkers were out of the picture. The route looped around the island twice, so for the second loop I was essentially on my own. It's what I am used to, and I preferred it to the annoying chatter of the gaggles of walkers who seemed to smugly stroll by me. Bastards. Ha ha, just kidding! While I was on my second loop I started to see the occasional elite runner coming toward me on their cool-down. They, too, gave me encouraging words and told me to keep going. Again, I appreciated this more than I could ever express.

The last 700 meters was weird. (I know it was 700 because some guy was walking by said, "You've just got 700 meters left! Keep it up!") The race route was also the island's trolley path, where the sightseeing trolleys take tourists around the island. They had stopped service during the race, obviously, but since I was out for so long, it had started up again. So twice, I was honked at to get out of the way by a trolley car, which threw me off a bit, both mentally and into the grass. Still, I kept going.

Then, finally, I could see the finish line! They kept it up for me, and the clock was still ticking away. The only people left there were the official and a few volunteers, but they cheered for me. I could see the clock read 59:30... 40... I think I crossed the line at 59:50. A little slower than my time on Friday, but that's OK. I finished! I did it!

The folks at the finish line were awesome. I had a brief sob of relief and happiness, had my chip cut off, and headed to the after-race party for a banana and a beer.

Overall, it was an amazing experience and I can't wait for my next race! But, I can't help but wonder if I got a little overzealous and tried to do it before I should have? Of all the reading around I've been doing about slow 5Kers, or on forums and the like, everyone says, "Don't worry about being last. There's always going to someone slower than you." Not in my case! I mean, it doesn't really bother me that much -- just a teeny bit -- but I have never heard about someone running as slow as I do in a race. I don't know... maybe it would have been different if the walkers had been doing the whole 3.1 miles as well, but maybe not. I guess it is a moot point, really. Someone's got to finish last, and I don't mind it being me, as long as I finish.

From here on out, I plan to continue to work on my 3 mile runs until they become easy. One mile is fine, two is fine, three is still an effort for me. I want three to be like one and two, and I don't think it'll take too long for me to achieve that. I'm going to keep shooting for distance and endurance, and continue to lose weight. It's bound to get easier naturally!

I'm going to make the Run in the Mist 5K "my" race -- this year was its first and my first, a match made in heaven. I'll run it every year that I am able. It seemed well-organized, the scenery can't be beat, and it's less than five minutes from my house!

Got on the scale this morning and I'm back down to my lowest weight again. Yesterday was a fluke after all (I hope!).

Nervous! Need to Refocus

Ugh. Yikes! I am nervous about running in the 5K tonight! But I also excited. I have no idea what to expect but I'm just going to go and do my best, and hopefully I will make it through OK, and that they will let me finish. I am trying to prepare myself for the likely possibility that I will come in last of the runners, and that even some walkers will beat me to the finish line. I'm pretty certain I am OK with that; I mean, someone's got to pull in the rear, right? At least I am out there doing it, and that's what important.

I slept pretty well last night, and long -- from 10pm to about 6:15am. But I was a little worried because I've been really achey the past few days, probably mostly PMS-related. I should probably pick up some Motrin or something this afternoon on my lunch break to help with that.

Also, this morning the scale was most disagreeable. I had a bit of a free-for-all last night, which was the result of saying, "Oh, I will just have some popcorn for dinner, it'll be fine," and then end up grazing for a good portion of the evening. How discouraging! Still, I can't imagine that I really ate 3.5 pounds worth of gain. :( That puts me back up over 310 again, which I was hoping to avoid ever again. I think maybe at least until I get down below 300, I'm going to start tracking food intake again, just to make sure I am on track and not getting too loose-goose. It'd be so sad to see all my hard work go down the drain because I got careless.

I know it's probably not just the food I ate last night (one night does not make or break), but also TOM and just normal fluctuation noise... but still, I want to nip this in the bud and get really serious again. I haven't been serious enough lately, to be honest. I want desperately to be under 300 pounds, but I am not going to get there half-heartedly. I have to MAKE it happen; I have to effect change.

Anyway, would y'all wish me lots of luck tonight? I won't have anyone there to cheer me on personally, though don't worry, I'll be sure to take at least some photos, and grab a stranger to take mine so I've got proof I really did it. (I'm not sure I will believe it myself, haha!)

My first 5K!

Wow, I'm totally proud of myself. On my run this morning, I ended up deciding to try for 5K. I didn't have a particular route planned ahead, but I knew that at my normal pace it'd take me just under an hour to cover that distance -- so I went for it. I ended up covering 3.2 miles in exactly an hour. It blows my mind that just three months ago I could barely run for 60 seconds, and now I can run ten times that!

I don't know whether to be more proud of the distance I covered, or the amount of time I was out there on the road, running all the way! OK, I will be proud of both. It's pretty awesome, even if I am super slow. :) I know a lot of people would balk at running for an hour straight, you know?

I also had a good weigh-in, my lowest weight so far at 307.2.

Hopefully today I will feel a little better about everything. I was pretty sad when I went to bed. My stepdad isn't doing too well, and I can't stop thinking about him and worrying about the pain he's in, etc. plus all the other stupid crap I worry about in my life, as usual.

I'm really glad it's Friday, I will tell you that much. I'm going to a birthday party on Sunday that's in my honor, along with my two younger cousins -- we're all June babies. I also have a lot of catching up to do on lawn and garden activities, since it's been raining here almost every day. It's supposed storm all weekend, too, but we'll see, hopefully I can at least mow the lawn quick. It is well on its way to jungle status at this point!

One. Day. At. A. Time. It's the only thought that gets me through lately.

I've been tagged!

The lovely and awesome Michelle has tagged me for some survey questions, which I am happy to answer.!

The Rules:

Tagging is easy. Just copy the following onto your post. The rules of the game are posted at the start of your blog post. In this case, I'm asking you 5 questions about running. Each player answers the 5 questions on their own blog. At the end of your post you tag 5 other people and post their names. Go to their blogs and leave a comment on their blogs telling them they've been tagged and to look at your blog for details. When they've answered the questions on their own blog, they come back to yours to tell you. Got that? (Stolen in its entirety from Flo by way of Irene ;)

1. How would you describe your running 10 years ago?
No running at all. Maybe some bike riding and walking. Five years before that, I was going to a gym regularly and using the treadmill, among other things. Some years before that, I was on my high school's cross-country team for one season, mainly because I had some encouraging friends on the team, and I wanted to see if I could do it. I was really slow (as I am now), and always came in last at the races, but my coach was awesome and encouraged us all to do the best we could, no matter what. He wasn't one of those crazy "You have to win!" coaches. Sadly, I didn't keep it up after that.

2. What is your best/worst running experience?
My best running experience was reaching the point in the C25K program where it's just straight running, and being able to do it, period. Yes, it was painful and slow, that first 20 minute run, but it was also totally great. I have two worst experiences: one, the time I fell a few weeks into C25K, when I tripped on a crack in the sidewalk (I didn't get hurt and was able to finish my run, but it still sucked), and two, when I developed runner's knee at the beginning of week 8.

3. Why do you run?
I run because I like to challenge myself, and because I wanted something convenient and cheap and simple to do to improve my fitness level. I run because I always, always look on with envy at those runners you see who look so effortless, gliding along -- I want to be like that someday. I run because it makes me feel amazing and invincible, like I can do anything. It gives me a fantastic high, even if I am slow.

4. What is the best or worst piece of running advice that you've been given about running?
Rest if you are injured. Take it slow. Work up your endurance and distance. I guess I haven't heard any bad advice.

5. Tell us something surprising about yourself that not many people would know.
I'm really self-conscious overall. But I don't think you would ever know that if you saw me running my way through the neighborhood. OMG fat runner! Yeah. I just really don't care anymore what people think about that. In fact, I am very proud of what I am able to do, so I don't care if I jiggle like a bowl of jelly or if a kid on a tricycle could ride circles around me. Running has really given me a sense of pride about my body and what it is capable of doing now, and what it might develop into later.

I know I am supposed to tag five people, but... I'd like to see any one of my readers take this survey and post it on their blogs, too! So, go for it!

Oh well

Weight: 313.2
Total Weight loss: 36.8

What a frustrating week. It started out so well, and has ended in shambles.

OK, maybe I am being a bit dramatic. In fact, I know I totally am. I'm thankful to be alive and well, for instance. But I don't understand how I could have lost so much weight and then gained it back so quickly, in the course of two weeks! Well, it's probably just that I expended so much energy and sweat every day that I was in New York, and once I got back to my regular life (and a less active one than usual, at that, because of this cold), my weight evened itself out and reverted back to reality. The reality is that I wasn't eating the best over my vacation before I went away, and that the last time I was able to weigh I was in the 313 neighborhood, therefore I have effectively maintained during that time, which I should be happy about.

There. I think that is a reasonable explanation, and putting it in that context, I feel much better. Like I had my cake and ate it, too. Literally.

I'm not feeling any better today, but not any worse, either. All I can say is thank the gods for Zicam, which keeps my nasal passages free and clear. I don't seem to be developing a cough or anything else, yet. Hopefully, I won't as I really do want to start running again, stat. I decided that tomorrow morning I am going to the running store for my sneakers no matter what. I want them on my feet and at the ready! As I may have mentioned before, C. is buying them for me for my birthday, but the funny thing is that I got a torn out catalog page from my stepmother in the mail yesterday with a note written on it: "Would you like these? They're on me, just let me know!" It's a pair of sneakers from Hammacher Schlemmer that have some sort of spring cushion in them or something. Well, I will tell her that I am all set on the sneaker front, but if she would like, I'd take her up on some other running gear if she is so inclined. Hopefully she will go for it. When I told her about my running goals, including 5Ks, 10Ks, and beyond, she said that she would love to join me on a 10K when I was ready, so that's something to look forward to.

Did you notice, I took my 40 pounds lost "bling" down for now? I don't feel like going back to the 35 pound one, so I'm going to wait it out until I get back down another few pounds before I put anything up announcing my achievements. At this point, it feels like too much pressure, too much to live up to. It's just that kind of week.

I'm looking forward to the weekend, and to a new week coming up. It's bound to be better than this one was.

My First 5K

OK, OK, so I am probably getting ahead of myself, but I've been looking around online and found the 5K I would like to run as my first. It's called the Run in the Mist in my town, Niagara Falls, on June 25th. It starts at the top of the falls, how cool is that? It also benefits the local Boys and Girls club.

Maybe I'll also run the Italian Festival 5K in town on August 3rd.

Or how about the RUT Race in Lewiston on August 11th? That sounds pretty cool!

Shea's 5K Run For The Arts on September 21st in downtown Buffalo...

10th Annual Flexcare Jack O’Lantern Fall Classic 5K on October 21st in Niagara Falls...

We'll see!

FYI: I did my second day of C25K about an hour ago! My pace improved slightly, going from 22:36 to 21:40; my speed from 2.65 to 2.77. Still a snail's pace, slower than when I do straight walking, in fact! But an improvement's an improvement. I am TOTALLY going to do this!