Thursday, March 13, 2008

First Time For Everything

Weight: 326.6
Total weight lost: 23.4

Ah well, the past few days I've been feeling really crappy. Some of it I know must have to do with hormones and icky girl stuff, but for the first time since I started this whole thing, my morale is pretty low. The past three days I've had small gains, and while I know better than to be bothered by it, well, I can't help it and I am bothered. All I can say is thank the gods for Physics Diet and all its charts and graphs, because without that showing overall progress despite not showing losses on the scale, I'd be crying in my cornflakes. And eating lots of chocolate, or something.

Today was the first day that I wasn't excited to enter my numbers, and track my food. I'm ALWAYS excited to do that stuff, even if I don't show a loss. It's just kind of comforting to have these motions to go through, but today I just haven't felt like it's going to make a difference.

Blah, blah, blah. I know we all go through this at some point. I've made some great progress so far already and need to focus on that fact rather than the daily detritus (or noise, as they call it in the Physics Diet realm), keep going, and just stop wallowing.

That said, C. weighed himself this morning (he does it when he feels like it, maybe once every one or two weeks), and dropped another five pounds for a total of 20 pounds lost! Good for him, especially since he gets discouraged easily. He was marveling over how we can eat BBQ chicken and still lose weight! Yep, just like I told him would happen... I am very proud of him, and inspired.

I'm so glad to have this outlet. Already I feel a little better, and will go and enter my numbers, just like I do every day. After all, what am I going to do, give up or something? Not a chance, especially since I just took a trip to Target and bought a bunch of super-on-sale smaller clothes. It just felt like the thing to do, that I believe in myself that much that I will fit into those clothes within a year, maybe sooner. Foolish? Maybe. But it's something that I really wanted to do, if only to remind myself that I don't have to be stuck wearing the same funeral wardrobe all the time. I bought clothes with cute patterns in lovely colors (yes, colors!)...

Anyway. That's what's up with me. I hope all is well with you.

Yours in blood and guts,



Sarah J said...

Great (yet painful) post. We've all been there. Hang in there. And, it sounds like you're doing the right step after the next... because you know what you're headed towards. Hope it gets easier..but even if it gets harder first.. we'll be around.

BioGirl said...

Hi there
I'm really enjoying reading your blog, because we seem to be going through the same things at similar times - I've been feeling the same sort of un-inspiration with the whole weight-loss thing - I've lost a decent bit, my numbers are still trending down on PhysicsDiest, I've kept up with my calorie intake, and have kept it in the right range, my jeans are definitely looser (yay!) but somehow it's just not clicking as much.
I think perhaps there's an initial excitement phase when starting something new and actually seeing it work, and then you kind of get used to it...... And I guess it's all part of incorporating it into your life-style - there will be a bit of a slump when you realise there won't be bells and whistles every day you eat the right amount of calories, and the scale goes down a bit more.
I'm still trying to deal with this - I've got goal rewards (and I'm off to the shops this morning on a morning off work to get my first one!) - they're close enough together that I should hit one every couple of weeks, so if nothing else I'll just keep on slogging towards the next goal. I'm also trying to concentrate on achieving more at work, which helps me from obsessing too much about the weight loss thing - setting other goals and making other life changes, (keeping my mind busy on other things) while maintaining the correct eating habits has been helping me this week.
But it's still really hard. The previous stuff is my carrot - my stick is that I don't want to let go and just go back to being larger again. I'm loving the changes in my body, and really, really don't want to lose it!
And of course, reading other people's struggles and knowing I'm not alone has helped incredibly! Thanks for keeping on writing and posting - even about the hard stuff.....

Hanlie said...

Just keep going! The first month of changing my lifestyle, I didn't lose a thing!

BioGirl said...

Just had a thought - was looking at my PhysicsDiet profile, and then looked at yours, and noticed that your current week calorie deficit has been almost 500 cals more than your 30 day or all time daily deficits- it might be possible you might need to eat a little bit more, or are feeling a bit punished because you're unnecessarily keeping your calorie intake a bit low - I don't know how many calories you're on each day, but you might need to give your body a bit of a break and up it slightly - perhaps allow yourself 100 cals extra of chocolate or something! (I keep a load of 100cal snacks around for topping up my daily intake if needed) There's a temptation to eat less and less, but in the end that isn't healthy physically or mentally!

Anonymous said...

hang in there! you've already lost nearly 25lbs, which i think is amazing. also, you are getting close to that magic 10% weight loss barrier that reduces your risk of serious medical complications! i think that is a good mini-goal.

radiosilents said...

sarah: It does get easier, kind of. And harder. I don't know! But it's just something I have to do, so even if I falter, it doesn't matter. I keep going -- because I have to! :)

biogirl: It has been such a gradual process, with ups and downs, and even though I am meeting my monthly goals (10 pounds a month), it still feels like a drop of a bucket, you know? I guess it's kind of like compound interest, though -- you keep at it and before you know it, you've saved tons of money (or lost tons of weight). Reading about other people's struggles and successes really helps me, too, which is one of the reasons I love blogging here so much, and connecting with all you who read and comment. It's very comforting and inspiring. Like, I don't want to let myself down, of course, but now I also feel a certain responsibility to those who are reading along, too!

Also, as far as my intake goes, maybe you're right... I had a "treat" day today so it will be interesting to see what my body does with the extra calories. I always think I am eating a bit too much and giving the calories burned too much credit, but maybe not. We'll see.

hanlie: Thanks for the encouragement! I won't be giving up anytime soon. :)

Hi, aslant!: Yes, I can't wait to make it to that 10% point, just another ten pounds or so! After that, my next mini-goal will be to get to 299 pounds. I'm glad you're reading and always appreciate your comments.