Saturday, March 15, 2008

Treat Day

I hadn't planned on posting again today, but I feel the need.

I had one of my infamous treat days today, which involved pizza and sweets. I had a few realizations: one, that eating these foods is not as great as I always expect it to be; two, that when I do indulge like this I don't need to get the big pizza or buy lots of candy -- I would have been more than satisfied with a small pizza and one piece of cake; three, I still have leftover issues, meaning that it is really hard for me to not eat the whole thing of whatever it is. Portion control would be the death of my efforts. I get kind of like Homer Simpson and just sit there shoveling food in going, "Mah, mah, mah, smack, mah, mah, snort..." Yuck. I hate that.

The thing is, it would have even been OK if I had just stuck with my initial meal, which was totally satisfying and kept me full for literally the whole day. Yet, there I found myself a few minutes ago, stuffing my face even more EVEN THOUGH I WASN'T HUNGRY!!! What is up with that? It's that sort of thing that I am out to correct in my behavior. It just isn't necessary, and I know that intellectually, but...

The good news is that I drank a lot of water (all that junk made me really thirsty), I logged my caloric intake (or at least tried to estimate it), and I am working it out in my head and documenting it here so that maybe I won't make the same stupid choice next time. Maybe. As I have said in the past, I've got 30+ years of reprogramming to take care of. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither will the new me be.

I am REALLY going to do this.

I spoke to my mom today on the phone, and we were talking about this stuff a little bit, mostly about how badly we want to wear regular sizes again and take advantage of super crazy sales (ack, so freakin' GIRLY!), etc. She told me she was proud of what I was doing, and I told her, "I'm really doing it... it is just about time that I finally conquer this crap that's been ruling my life for three decades, just be done with it once and for all," and I really meant it. OK, so maybe I won't ever be done with it once and for all, ever, and I will always have to think about what I am putting in my mouth in the same way an alcoholic has to think about not taking a drink, but at least I will be wearing cute clothes while doing it.

Not to sound like vanity is my main motivator or anything...

Yours in pizza and cake,



LisaN said...

Hey, it it works, vanity can be a great motivator.

Losing weight has its ups and downs, good days and bad days. Blogging is a great way to keep accountable for your actions.

From self-realization comes truth. Keep up the good work.........:)

Sarah j said...

Found a great quote RS... "its not what you know, its what you do". I think we all know what we should do, but it is so hard to actually just do it. You are DOING. Small steps lead to big changes.

And, maybe blogging is like the old gym adage... just get on the treadmill for five minutes and then decide if you want to keep going. Maybe you don't have to write a long, insightful entry every time.. maybe just a few words to remind you that we're here, and vice versa.

Hope you're hanging in there!

radiosilents said...

Thanks lisan and sarah! I am hanging in there, indeed. :)