Sunday, April 13, 2008

Grouchy, eating-y

Weight: 323.8
Total Weight loss: 26.2

Ugh, ugh, ugh! The month of April has been disappointing for me in some ways. OK, really just scale-wise, I admit it. I still have not broken into the teens, which is driving me crazy, and while I hate to say it, it's making me a little on the grouchy side, too. And I've been... eating. Kind of like I used to, only maybe not quite as bad, and just today and yesterday. Tomorrow, I'm back on it. And I am actually thinking, maybe I just needed to let myself be grouchy about this and to give myself a little break from all the thinking and plotting about what to eat and what not to eat, so that I come in fresh and all ready to go again. And I am. I will be.

So don't worry, I'm not throwing in the towel, no sir! I even printed out the entry form for that neat cross-country 5K in August with the intention of sending it in tomorrow, which means I am obligated to follow through with everything I am doing. Oh, and? I want to anyway.

But I won't lie, it's been hard these past couple weeks. Even though I am doing well with C25K and even though I saw some nice inches lost with the old measuring tape this week. C. said maybe I am getting some muscle, which is possible, I know. I'm trying to be intellectual about this, but it's hard.

I'm totally rethinking all these monthly goals I have for myself. It's discouraging not to meet the monthly goal, so while I will keep them for something to shoot for, I am also going to consider any amount lost in any given month a successful month, that's all there is to it. Otherwise, I'll feel like I am failing. Oh, these psychological games I have to play with myself! It's silly but it is something I need to do to keep myself going.

It's good to get this off my chest. I want so badly to get through this, and to reach my goals.


Ready Maid said...

Here's a big high five for you hanging in there. You've made good steady progress since January 7, and even though the weight isn't flying off, you really don't want it to.

I'm learning to listen to the old timers who've been around a long time. They've taught me to accept the ups and downs of the journey, but to keep my mental focus in the right direction.

Once the mental work is done, the body usually follows.


Megan said...

You're doing just fine. Any amount lost is a success. And remember that when you lose fat but gain muscle, you'll gain weight but lose inches. So the measuring tape is your friend. :)

Anonymous said...

ugh! I had an ugly month myself so I can totally relate. HOPEFULLY I'll catch up, and won't be too far behind in my half year goal. The first quarter... well...

I really think it's harder to lose at this time of year than the holidays. At the holidays we're all so aware...''But you're still losing weight and inches, so celebrate!

radiosilents said...

ready maid: Thank you so much. You're right, and it's what I have told myself from the beginning, the longer it takes to lose the weight, the longer it will stay off. I'm working really hard on the mental stuff. It's going to take a while to conquer it, but I feel I am well on my way.


megan: I agree, but it is still hard to not get discouraged sometimes by the scale... I do want more muscle, though, so I will do my best to get used to it! Thanks!

kate: You'll catch up, and so will I. Even if we don't, we're still going to finish the race, right? My point being that this actually ISN'T a race... which is hard to keep in mind sometimes since I am so anxious to have lost the weight, like, yesterday. ;)