Thursday, April 10, 2008

Hooray for C25K!

Weight: 320.6
Total Weight loss: 29.4

I'm very pleased with myself, I must say. I did exactly what I said I was going to, and did my run this morning, waking up a half hour earlier than usual to do so. It went splendidly! It wasn't too difficult to get myself out of bed and ready to go, and there was no back-and-forth with myself about whether I was going to do it. It was just a given, a hard fact. And you know what? I had my best run ever so far, stats-wise, feeling-wise, everything. I feel confident about moving on to Week 3, no problem.

[By the way: I still have not purchased an iPod, which is kind of lame of me. But, I had some good music going on in my head (Curtis Mayfield's epic "Move On Up" is an amazing motivator AND has a fantastic groove, by the way) and I know I count my seconds accurately. Soon, though, I will be at the point where I will want to have the podcasts to keep track of my times -- I do not want to be counting out 300 seconds for the five minute run segments I'll be running shortly, for instance.]

I can't get over it. What is the deal with having few second thoughts about buying stupid doll crap, yet I just can't bring myself to buy something that will be beneficial for my body directly? Ugh, man, I don't know. I probably need to be rid of the doll biz all together. It's too easy to buy for them and not myself, for whatever stupid reason.

Anyway. I still have not broken into the 'teens, and it's really annoying me. I thought for sure today would be it; after all, I did a half hour's worth of yard work last night, and my run this morning, and I have been doing well with my eating. It's frustrating, sure, and if I can complain about it once, I am happy and then move on, and keep doing what I am doing. Can you tell I talk myself through my own thoughts a lot? I do.

Turns out that it's like a form of self-coaching. I just started reading a book about this type of coaching for creatives (like, because I still am not making art regularly even though I have a solo show coming up in eight months...), and that's what you do. You sit there and have a talk with your "coach", who is also you but not you. Your coach knows what needs to be done to break through a wall, a plateau, whatever. Interesting stuff. I only got into it last night, but I'll comment more on that in the next few days. I'm totally into self-help, why not? I seem to need it on so many levels.


I think another frustration I have lately is that I don't think I really look any different yet. And when I tell people that I have lost 30 pounds, they act surprised, like my boss did today, or just say, "That's great," without commenting about seeing the change, or whatever. I suppose it is fairly vain of me to expect that people look at me enough to notice, but I need to accept the reality that a) they probably don't and b) 30 pounds off a 350-pound gal is the proverbial drop in the bucket and thus truly not very noticeable (except to her mom).

I mean, whatever, right? I'm not doing it to get kudos from anyone. I do like getting kudos, though. Forget it, though, forget I am even complaining about this right now. I remain proud of what I have achieved so far, and I'm doing it to feel better physically and to gain some confidence (the running is REALLY helping with that). Oh yeah, of course I do want to be super-hot again eventually too, but that reason really does fall at the bottom of the list, all things told.


Heck, this morning I was so energized I even chopped foodstuffs for dinner prep tonight, so when I get home we can just start cooking -- throw everything in the wok ready to go. We're having our fairly decadent peanut butter chicken stir-fry tonight, but don't worry, I've allocated the cals for it. It's totally planned and accounted for, which is nice and totally awesome on my part. *pat on the back*

What are you proud of today?




Hanlie said...

I fully sympathize... I started at 345 pounds and have now lost 40 and you don't really see it, unless you know where to look! My clothes are looser, but still fit me. I think the next 10 to 20 pounds will really show up the changes... But I FEEL much thinner and I definitely move easier.

Anonymous said...

Maybe you haven't bought an ipod because ipods suck? ;) I have a Cowon D2 and I love it.

re: people not noticing weight loss

I was just thinking about this today. The thing is that people who see you every day will have a hard time remembering what you looked like a couple of months ago, and they won't register any change in the short term because you don't look any smaller today than you did yesterday or a week ago.

And even if they do notice, they may not be saying anything out of politeness because they figure it's none of their business, or out of a fear that they might be mistaken.

You might have to wait until you get drastically smaller, and even then some people might not say anything out of embarrassment for not having noticed it sooner. ;)

radiosilents said...

hanlie: I agree, the next few pounds I think will be much more noticeable. Plus, I notice, and my partner notices, so that's good enough for me. I, too, am having a MUCH easier time moving and doing things I enjoy and things I need to do.

chickengirl: Heh, maybe so, but I can't help myself how pretty iPods are... plus, I am a Mac person all the way.

You're right about the noticing stuff. I know this intellectually, and I know that it doesn't really matter whether I get approval or notice from others, but still... who doesn't like the proverbial pat on the head, right?

Emily M said...

well, I saw the difference - so there.